Cynthia Heimel Quotations

The Pain-Free Shopping Method: Buy a present for you, then a present for a friend. Then another present for you. Then a present for a friend. Then two presents for you. Then a present for a friend. Then go home, get into bed, and pull up the covers.

Friends are the twenty-first-century version of extended families.

[On peanut M&Ms:] It is the eggness of them. A shell, chocolate placenta, proteiny peanut baby. Life shape, birth shape, cell shape, protoplasmic-ooze shape. A shape that calls straight through civilization to our reptilian brains.

Here is Heimel's Law: Anything you fantasize about won't come true. So just cut it out.

[On her dogs:] I have four now. My friends tell me if I get any more they'll have to hold an intervention.

Wearing makeup is an apology for our actual faces.

A comedian is not funny unless he is taking his demons out for a walk.

There is one thing that humans strive for with every cell, every gene, every nerve fiber of our beings. ... More than Mallomars, more than hot sex, we want to belong.

it is a shoe designer's job to be a year ahead of our collective unconscious.

We all have rosy memories of a simpler, happy time- a time of homemade apple pie and gingham curtains, a time when Mom understood everything and Dad could fix anything. "Let's get those traditional family values back!" we murmur to each other. Meanwhile, in a simultaneous universe, everyone I know, and every celebrity I don't know, is coming out of the closet to talk about how miserable they are because they grew up in dysfunctional families.