Dan Harmon Quotations

I'm from Wisconsin so I always feel a little nauseous about begging and trying to trick people into liking me.

There's a fine line between a stream of consciousness and a babbling brook to nowhere.

People often ask me about what constitutes a nerd-friendly show - like, does it have to have sci-fi elements? But I think it's just a show that satisfies the secret craving we all have to be obsessed with something and not feel at all stupid about it.

I care very much what the fans think. I'm starting to loosen my grip on caring about what critics say, because I think that critics care about what fans think of them, too, so there's a little bit of a refraction there, through that glass.

Eight o'clock is hard no matter what network you're on because people have to make a decision to sit down and start watching TV. Every other time slot is a time slot that happens after someone's watching something else.

I don't think it's going to be possible for the next generation of writers to tell stories without telling stories about telling stories.

I feel like I am a good person and a professional, very able leader of men.

I am absolutely and inherently self-destructive in that I am always making sure I'm doing what I want to do.

I love '30 Rock.' It's one of my favorite shows. It's certainly the gold standard of comedy writing.

Emotionally, shows like 'Cheers' and 'Taxi' were classic sitcoms when I was growing up.

Class clowns are never allowed to date anybody decent, but you don't get beaten up, you're invited to parties, and everybody likes you.

I've never done well when I've been appreciated. I've done best when I'm targeted for death.

I don't really have a lot of appropriate feelings for people on an individual basis, but I've always wanted to make people happy.

I feel like my life has always been the 'Hey Look at Me Show.' I'm not apologetic about that.

If your ratings are high and there's money being made, you're allowed to be a perfectionist in television.

There are lots of emotions that go with the Fourth of July.

Everyone knows that there are more people watching any given show than is being registered by the Nielsen system.

I am a collaborator with everyone who agrees that I need to be in control. I happily collaborate with my loyalists.

I wish that television would stop selling our hatred of ourselves, and start seducing us with our love of ourselves.

The public's perception of your show is what it is, and you don't get to complain how people perceive your show or talk about it.

When you watch the sitcoms that were the big hits when I was growing up, TV was still just TV. It was allowed to just be TV. There were three channels that were competing for the whole family and you couldn't take your business elsewhere.

The concept of doing holiday episodes is a huge part of what's fantastic about doing TV. And viewers agree; you see the numbers going up for holiday episodes.

There's the same percentage of genius happening in both genders, but there's less women writing scripts and out there looking for the job.

When I was a kid I never knew the difference between a sitcom and a drama. I just knew what my parents were watching and what was making them happy.

I think women are different, and I think having them in the room is crucial to a family comedy, ensemble comedy, television comedy, where half the eyeballs on your show are women.

I think that casting is probably the most important thing in television production.

My passion for 'Star Trek' is actually rooted in my love of television and the art of franchise and a premise designed to stick people together that have to figure out what to do.

Well, the average person comes home from work really tired, and just wants to flip through channels until they land on the thing that's the least objectionable to them. They're not looking for their new favorite TV show because they know that that search will take forever and they'll go to bed unhappy.

It was never my direct intention to do anything particularly medium-defying.

If somebody's cat happens to turn on the TV, my numbers can double. It's almost unrelated to what's really happening.

Audiences, as they get smaller, can intensify their relationship with the product, and so can the creative relationship with the people that you are serving. The good news is that, the more shows there are, the less the conglomerates have to gain by breaking the will of each individual creative.

Technology changes the medium. I grew up on watching a box in my living room that made my parents happy. After something is gone, the dust will settle and I'll see what's next.

I became part of a little study group in community college and started caring about strangers. It gave me insight into what an asshole I was. I saw that I had only lived half of a life.

I was playing the game where I was going to be a great TV or film writer some day and there was nothing else that I thought about, including other people.

I always try to use my medium, and if I get into a normal sitcom-writing contest with normal sitcom writers, I'm going to lose.

It's so difficult to write good music. It's also really difficult to think about how to do it without violating the sanctity of the fourth wall.

The most rewarding part of writing for TV is - a year ago I would have said it's just watching it on TV, it's just having been done with it and then collecting all that energy.

I really like performing for people.

Wake up in the morning and say, 'I refuse to be a hack,' and see what happens by the end of the day.

TV tends to be like, if you're lucky, it's like Las Vegas. You can't get out. There's always another pitch meeting. They keep you on the casino floor. If I'm unlucky, if I'm lucky enough to be unlucky, I would love to write a movie.

I expect the audience to assume TV is stupid. I accept that it's my job to overcome it.

Don't be so hard on yourself, don't put pressure on yourself, life is just a chain of experiments and results, and you'll be perfect when you're dead.

Whereas the health of an individual depends on the ego's regular descent and return to and from the unconscious, a society's longevity depends on actual people journeying into the unknown and returning with ideas.

I wish people used wishes to modify themselves instead of others. Wish to be low maintenance. Wish to be autonomous, even.

Garry Shandling has always been a pioneer of… meta entertainment. He's always been a defender of the creative right to use the frame as part of the painting.

'I want to touch people but if I touch them in real life they'll slap me.' That's what writing isit's a gross person getting a hug.

When you are in the 8 o'clock position, you can either be a cultural phenomenon, or you're endangered. It's a tough time slot.

Television is a populous, derivative, democratic medium.

You don’t give someone notes on their performance at a soup kitchen.

I grew up on network sitcoms. If those are gone when I'm 65 years old, I would never forgive myself for not stepping up to that plate, as often as possible. I'm already bummed out that DVDs are dying off because, in my 20s, those were a huge thing.

You'll be perfect when you're dead

Good writers hate bad writing but hating bad writing doesn’t make you good. Writing badly does.

You have to just look at it like Titanic: I know the ship sinks, but this is a love story

I say what's in my head, and I'm on honest ground. That is worth so much, and I think it does make my job, as a writer, easier. It makes it possible for me to give people stuff that they like.

I've discovered a new video game called owning my home.

I think thoughts in my head bounce around in my skull and, if they keep bouncing around in my skull, they get worse and worse. When they come out of my mouth, they make people happy.

There are no normal people, there are just different kinds of weird

I surround myself with loyalists and people that I would die for. I just would rather die than make bad stuff for people because I'm a terrible dishwasher and a terrible lover and a terrible pet owner.

I was raised on NBC television.

What's important is passion, investment, and people laughing out loud as they work.

I walk with God, and He protects me. That may very well be true. I don't mean to make that sound like a joke, in case He is in charge.

Yoda is interesting because, in addition to being wise, he is two feet tall, and a Yoda.

Always hedge your bets. That's how I do it. I lay all my bets on what I can contribute, and suffer no illusions that I'm generating stuff by myself.

The language we're exchanging, the fillings in our teeth, the pavement on the road outside, everywhere you look, for better or for worse, you're going to see evidence that accepting reality is not a human's tendency, and not what we're good at, and not, in my speculation, what God or Natural Selection hired us to do. We've been hired, by this universe, to dream, to aspire, to make things that weren't real real - and because that involves a lot of failure, we're damn good at doing that, too.

My cat brought me a toy. I thanked her and threw it. She sat there gave me a look that made me realize people and dogs are the crazy ones.

With an animated show you can make a banana purple. You can put three hats on a cowboy. That would require several days of stitching, in live-action, that you wouldn't be able to afford. I mean, you can just do tons and tons and tons.

Once upon a time, something happened, and it was better than something not happening. The end.

There are no normal people, there are just different kinds of weird, all of it is human and all humanity is better than everything inhuman. So I urge you to keep expressing yourself as honestly as you can, and know that the backpedals and second-guesses really aren't necessary - they don't hurt but they're wasting your time - because when you are truly human, as we all are, and when that is your honest message to anyone, you are beyond reproach, there is no way to screw it up.

Pretty sad. Pretty lonely. But that's how I prefer it? I quess? I guess. It's a good guess. It's the best quess ever.

You have people saying two things that seem to contradict each other. One, that we live in a golden age of TV. The other, that television is dying. There's a reason for that. What we mean when we say it's dying is that it's already way past being fragmented into little chunks. Now it's being polarized into an aerosol mist.

There are two kinds of people in this world. There are the people that will have you think that there are two kinds of people in this world, and there are the 'good; people. There is no good, there is no evil, there is just a war going on between the people that want you to think there's a war going on and the people that know there doesn't have to be one.

All [tv] shows are like cigarettes. You watch two, you have a higher chance of watching three. They're all addictive.

I'd just love to sit at home, wake up at 10AM, go to my own office with my dog, and write a movie. I don't know if I'm capable of doing that though. I think I'll just end up playing Minecraft and self-destructing.

Find your voice, shout it from the rooftops, and keep doing it until the people that are looking for you find you.

Storytelling comes naturally to humans, but since we live in an unnatural world, we sometimes need a little help doing what we'd naturally do.

None of us are bad people. We float around and we run across each other and we learn about ourselves, and we make mistakes and we do great things. We hurt others, we hurt ourselves, we make others happy and we please ourselves. We can and should forgive ourselves and each other for that.

TV in all its ugliness can be a beautiful thing.