Dennis Miller Quotations | Page 3

But the biggest fake of the year, Paul Begala's last smile

Let me use their own terminology against them. They aborted a child in the 200th trimester.

In regards to Oral Roberts' claim that God told him that he would die unless he received $20 million by March, God's lawyers have stated that their client has not spoken with Roberts for several years. Off the record, God has stated that 'if I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would have done it a long time ago.

Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us are not going to care if they don't find these weapons of mass destruction. It's enough for a lot of us to see those kids smiling on that street again.

The current tax code is harder to understand than Bob Dylan reading Finnegans Wake in a wind tunnel.

The American auto industry is blowing up like a 1976 Ford Pinto.

Jerry Falwell says that abortion and homosexuality are sins. Oh yeah? Well, so is gluttony, Jerry. So maybe you should think about dropping 50 pounds.

Only man is a narcissistic enough species to think that a highly evolved alien life force would travel across billions and billions of light-years- a group of aliens so intelligent, so insouciant, so utterly above it all, they feel no need whatsoever to equip their spacecraft with windows so that they can gaze out on all that celestial beauty-but then immediately upon landing, their first impulse is to get in some hick's ass with a flashlight.

Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.

Detroit's so bad this year they might lose their bye week.