Erma Bombeck Quotations | Page 3

Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.

Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.

There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.

When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty "just adding water." Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better.

Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.

Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.

I'm on a diet as my skin doesn't fit me anymore.

Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.

I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up.