Graham Chapman Quotations

It's nice to see that look of alarm on the faces of the others.

All ideas come about through some sort of observation. It sparks an attitude; some object or emotion causes a reaction in the other person.

There is no cannibalism in the British navy, absolutely none, and when I say none, I mean there is a certain amount.

Stormy in love, stormy in interviews, breakfast in bed - that's me, love.

I can't talk to a man who bears an undeserved animosity towards ferrets.

We don't deliberately set out to offend. Unless we feel it's justified.

John Howard Davies was not a very human person... if you made a mistake of any kind, any sort of pause in speech, he would treat you rather as if he was a schoolmaster.

World War II... did not happen to everyone, but it happened to most. There were people from Germany who were throwing bombs at us.

Dressing up as decrepit old ladies, and even decrepit young ladies, was one of our staples.

I hope I will have achieved something lasting.

Death can really absorb a person. Lik most people, I would find it pleasant not to have to go, but you just accept that it's more or less inevitable.

Health care does not worry me a great deal. I've been impressed by some wonderful old people.

You know, Python should have won a Grammy for our musical work on the show.

Yes, clothes dryers are monsters, and more of them should be painted... we did paint the clothes dryer on the set.

If this one takes off, it could make me rich beyond my wildest dreams. And believe me, my dreams are pretty wild!

I do not really look back with regret on any feelings or problems I have had in the past. I think I am more able to accept problems as being part of the rough and tumble of life. There are bound to be ups and downs. In retrospect, when you've gotten pasty a tough period, it makes the good things that much better.

We received a letter from a lady who was incensed about my moral depravity, as though I was destroying the underpinnings of society.

We had many concerns while planning Monty Python's Flying Circus... we wanted to avoid being bracketed as being another offshoot.

We'd obviously realized at this stage that if we wrote something in a show that got repeated, then we would get another fee for it without having to do any extra work. Now that looked like a good idea, and as the BBC didn't pay us very much in the first place- the ingrates-it was almost essential to have the thing repeated.

Other people build sketches after taking too many sleeping pills, but I never preferred that method, since I would keep dropping my pencil.

It was appalling that all this money was being spent in the area on new developments and to encourage tourism, and yet this issue was allowed to drag on.

Oh Lord please don't burn us don't kill or toast your flock. Don't put us on the barbecue or simmer us in stock. Don't bake or baste or boil us or stir-fry us in a wok.

First you must find... another shrubbery! Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must place it here, beside this shrubbery, only slightly higher so you get a two layer effect with a little path running down the middle. ("A path! A path!") Then, you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forrest... with... a herring!

Apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system, and public health ... what have the Romans ever done for us? Brought peace!

McGough: I'm sorry. I'm afraid I've caught poetry. Mr Bones: Oh really? Well, don't worry, sir - I used to suffer from short stories. McGough: Really? When? Mr Bones: Oh, once upon a time ...

WHAT is your name? WHAT is your quest? and WHAT is your favorite color?

When you're chewing on life's gristle Don't grumble, give a whistle And this'll help things turn out for the best... And...always look on the bright side of life... Always look on the light side of life.

My philosophy, like color television, is all there in black and white.

Exploding is a perfectly normal medical phenomenon.

Sir Beldevere: What makes you think she's a witch? Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt! Sir Beldevere: A newt? Peasant 3: [meekly after a long pause] ... I got better. Crowd: [shouts] Burn her anyway!

Camelot is a silly place.

When danger reared its ugly head, He bravely turned his tail and fled.

She turned me into a newt. ... But I got better...

I mean, if I went 'round saying I was an emperor, just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!

We found that we didn't have much problem with him [J.C.], it was his followers we found questionable.

One thing for sure - a sheep is not a creature of the air.

When Beethoven went deaf, the mynah bird just used to mime.

Tis but a scratch!" "A scratch? Your arm's off!" "No it isn't." "Then what's that?" "Oh come on, pansy!

Spam, spam, spam, spam... Spam, spam, spam, spam.

Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

A murderer is only an extroverted suicide.

Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Know what I mean?

Bring out... The Comfy Chair!!!!

One, two, ... five!" "Three, my lord.

I fart in your general direction.

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition...

Always look on the bright side of life.

I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a definite proposition... A contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says." No, it's not...

In 1945, peace broke out. It was the end of the Joke. Joke warfare was banned at a special session of the Geneva Convention, and in 1950 the last remaining copy of the joke was laid to rest here in the Berkshire countryside, never to be told again.

I am known by many names, but you may call me...Tim.

Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government

Oh, you're in television! That's interesting. No, I mean, the word television is interesting. It's a hybrid, you see: tele- comes from the greek, and -vision comes from the latin. It should have been either "telerama", or "procolvision".

This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot.

No one expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise, fear and surprise; two chief weapons, fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency! Er, among our chief weapons are: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and near fanatical devotion to the Pope! Um, I'll come in again...

I'm afraid I'm not personally qualified to confuse cats.

At that time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer, and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before ...

You see, I don't belive that libraries should be drab places where people sit in silence, that has been the main reason for our policy of employing wild animals as librarians.

I think that all good, right thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that all good, right thinking people in this country are fed up with being told that all good, right thinking people in this country are fed up with being sick and tired. I'm certainly not, and I'm sick and tired of being told that I am.

We are no longer the knights who say Ni! We are now the knights who say ekki-ekki-ekki-pitang-zoom-boing!

You know, there are many people in the country today who, through no fault of their own, are sane. Some of them were born sane. Some of them became sane later in their lives.

Kilimanjaro is a pretty tricky climb you know, most of it's up until you reach the very very top, and then it tends to slope away rather sharply.

We come from nothing, we are going back to nothing-In the end what have we lost? Nothing!