Jack Black Quotations

I make a mean peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

When I was a kid, I thought I was the strongest man in the world. Then, the fastest runner and then the smartest person in the world. One by one my delusions got shut down. Now I just see myself as the lamest guy in the world.

When you think about rock at its origin, and you think of the Beatles and millions of kids screaming as loud as they can and running as fast as they can towards the Beatles, there's no one who is that kind of lightning rod, who commands that kind of power and has that kind of creative magma.

You must never underestimate the power of the eyebrow.

We're in the dark ages if J-Lo can have a music career because of her ass. And let's face it, that's it.

I don't have any real spirituality in my life - I'm kind of an atheist - but when music can take me to the highest heights, it's almost like a spiritual feeling. It fills that void for me.

I'd rather be the king of kids, than the prince of fools.

If Beethoven and Bach hooked up with Mozart and made a band, they could be a distant runner up to The D.

With the acting, it's somebody else's brainchild, and I'm just sort of helping flesh it out. There's a special satisfaction to being the brains behind the operation.

Let's face it, the great comedians now that are handicapped in the looks department are tremendous writers.

It's a tough transition really for theater actors to adjust to television or film, and all of these years later, I still have a tendency to play it too big.

I'd just like to be in films that I would like to see.

The real challenge is if you don't look super sexy, like a Brad Pitt, you're going to have to try harder. You're going to have to make up for it in other ways.

My children are magical creatures and I love them to death.

There's nothing you can really do to prepare to rock. Do you prepare to eat a delicious meal? Are you hungry? Then you're gonna eat it.

Push-ups, sit-ups, and a strict diet of raisins. That's my plan.

I'm gonna drop fitty. I'm gonna drop fitty pounds. How many quarter-pounders with cheeses is that? I'm gonna drop 200 quarter-pounder with cheeses.

I think of myself as an entertainment arsenal. Like I have my acting bazooka and my music machete. And you don't know what I'm going to come at you with.

I've had so many hot, cheesy, corny loves of music in my life. I had a very intense Billy Joel period. So once you've really Joeled it up - there's some good periods of Joel; it's not all hot cheese. But I can't judge anyone else for their cheese. I've deep-sea dived in the Gouda.

My parents were very supportive of me and my artistic endeavours. My father and mother came to every school play I ever did.

When it's a bad movie you want to release it quietly. You try to keep it a secret like an STD.

I played, like, a year of piano until I learned the 'Pink Panther' theme. That was my goal. Once I was good enough, I quit. Now my music has to have some rock.

There's something about a divorce in that even if your parents still love you, the fact that they can't live with each other makes you feel there's something wrong with you.

The movie Spinal Tap rocked my world. It's for rock what The Sound of Music was for hills. They really nailed how dumb rock can be.

You have to mind your Ps and Qs a little bit.

Back in the '70s, like one of my favorite movies ever was 'The Bad News Bears', and that was a kids' movie, but I don't think of it that way. I think of it as just a great movie because Walter Matthau was so funny and so harsh with those kids.

Never for a second did I think of myself as the sexiest guy in the world. When I was a kid, I thought I was the strongest man in the world. Then, the fastest runner and then the smartest person in the world. One by one my delusions got shut down. Now I just see myself as the lamest guy in the world.

He is a great gentleman. He is kind of like the teacher and I am the mouth of the golf coaching squad.

Are you ready to have your mind blown apart by the most awesome show in the universe. ... Tonight is your night to rage against the machine.

You're asking me to choose between two children, the one that pays more and the one that I secretly love more. With the acting, it's somebody else's brainchild, and I'm just sort of helping flesh it out; with the music, there's a special satisfaction to being the brains behind the operation.

It was really difficult to get any golf matches because everybody was already booked up.

Don't be celebrities, because then you go cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, You don't want that, do you?

I had a bit of a lost weekend while we were doing King Kong. Overall I'm very responsible on set. I'm not one of those dudes who come drunk to the set.

I played, like, a year of piano until I learned the Pink Panther theme. That was my goal. Once I was good enough, I quit. Now my music has to have some rock.

But he's got vision, and he's got tremendous ambition. He wants to make the greatest film ever made.

Seems like every other day there's somebody on the news, somebody gets killed or does something crazy and all the neighbors and everybody says, "I can't believe he did that, I can't believe she did that."

I took a year of karate. It was like obligatory ¬ - every kid was taking like one year of karate and one year of piano in my town. It was Bruce Lee and Liberace. But I was not a white belt. I graduated. I had a colour belt - but that's all you need to know. It could have been black, it could have been yellow, or it could have been anything in between.

I always feel bad for people getting married and spending upwards of a hundred thousand dollars. It just seems so absurd to me.

Buddha is pretty funny. Buddha is the coolest, though. If I had to go with one, I'd probably party with the Buddha.

Me personally, I don't have anything against Jesus any more than I do any of the religious icons. I think they're all pretty funny.

I'm a Jew. Thirty-three is when Christ died. So though I'm a Jew, in the back of my mind I still think that I gotta get it done before I'm thirty-four because well, I don't know why. He got it done before He was thirty-four.

I just remember the early days of Tenacious D. There was no talk or thought about doing a TV show or a movie.

Tenacious D loves Auntie Em's. Her delicious nutrients are always energizing and indie-fresh. Where does she find those unbelievable recipes? Somewhere over the rainbow?

I love comedy and drama equally and music too. I just sort of follow my nose to whatever seems really exciting at the time. Eventually, I might want to do a rock opera.

Before we snap to judge someone who's done a horrible crime, is it possible that all of us in the worst possible circumstances could be capable of something like that? So it's about not judging people before really considering what the circumstance was and that not all murderers are created equal. We have a tendency in our society to just say murder? Cut and dried. Go away forever. Or maybe you should have the electric chair yourself.

I love Satan. Christianity is so boring. If Star Wars didn't have that evil imprint, they wouldn't sell two tickets. Satan sells tickets. That dude, Darth Maul, he was down with Satan. Put it this way, Satan loves to party, he loves to f**k and he loves to eat rich, delicious food. Actually that sounds a lot like Kyle Gass (his bandmate).

I like being married. I'm at home with my wife and kids all the time now. I don't go out for wild nights.

A long life or a short life are of equal importance to God.

Iris, if you were a melody...piano melody. I used only the good notes.

Part of the acting gig is when you're let loose some improvs and put stuff into your own words every once in a while. That doesn't get you a writing credit or more money. It just makes it more fun.

Justice is a word that resides in the dictionary. It occasionally makes its escape, but is promptly caught and put back where it belongs.

Habit is the strongest thing in life.

I serve society by rocking!

When I was in High School I fell for pretty much any girl I ever met. But I was so desperate that I couldn't get any of them because they sensed my desperation! After many, many years, I learned to relax and just be myself.

I'm used to being crazy and "rock-n-rolly", which is a little different than this world. For me, it was a chance to stretch a little bit.

I'm not thinking about forcing my kids to watch my movies. It's always awkward when someone says: "Hey, I wrote a song, can I play it for you?" That would be the dynamic, if I was like: "Hey, you're my son, watch my work!" I don't want to put them in that awkward position. Just because when they get older, that's when I'm worried, that they'll judge me and say: "Yeah, my father's [hand over mouth] Jack Black. He was in that cheesy movie." So, I'm going to keep it all high quality. It'll be a quality controller.

You only have to go hardcore humiliation on the first film. On the subsequent sequels, you can coast.

I remember I prayed to God. I was like, "Just let me be on TV." Let my friends see me on TV in a good thing. I like, if I'm funny a little bit on a commercial and then I don't need to act ever again. "Just let them see me." And then it worked. I got the commercial. I was on TV. My friends all saw me. I was a kind of a star at school for like three days. And then it faded away and I was hungry and I had to like make another deal with God. I remember it still.

Every movie presents its challenges.

It's a mistake to just go make a movie where the whole thing is talking down to the kids like, "Ok, we gotta bring the IQ of this movie down because it's a kids movie" You don't have to do that, kids can laugh and parents can laugh at different parts and that's fun, and you see that with all of the great kids movies.

I'm always looking for talented people that I want to collaborate with.

I don't really think differently of making a movie for grownups or making a movie for kids, if it's boring it's boring, so you want it to be entertaining and I think funny is funny whether it's for kids or grownups, the only real difference is language.

I seem like a big bombastic outgoing dude, when it comes down to it with the ladies, when I was a single, free-wheeling dude, I was always very shy. It was difficult to form sentences with the girl of my dreams.

It's all about finding your voice in whatever your profession... it helps your confidence.

Clarifying your identity helps you just talk to ladies.

I look for good directors mainly because if you do enough of movies where there's not a real creative vision behind it, you start to turn into a robot and you want to jump off a bridge.

I don't think of myself as a great improver. A lot of times there's long periods of silence when everyone in the recording studio is looking at their watch and waiting for me to say something. And I'm searching desperately in my brain for anything before something dribbles out.

Weddings mainly are for drinkers.

I'm always looking for a fresh perspective because it's fun to tell stories that are original and new in some way.

I'd just like to be in films that I would like to see. I think of myself as an entertainment arsenal. Like I have my acting bazooka and my music machete. And you don't know what I'm going to come at you with.

I'm fairly certain that YOLO is just Carpe Diem for stupid people.

I'm an aspiring writer. I hate that phrase. You're either a writer or you're not.

When you get to a certain level of recognizability, celebrity, you can't go out of the house without someone going, "Can I just have one photo?" I don't mind, by the way, if anyone wants one we can take some photos. But sometimes you just wanna stay in the house or in the hotel room with the shades closed.

People scream at me, "Hey, let's party." I give off an I'm-crazy-and-I-want-to-arty-and-wrestle-you vibe.

You're not hardcore, unless you live hardcore

I just had a son and had to take him to the paediatrician and he measured his head and apparently he's in a group in which only 14 per cent of the population have a bigger head than him. Then she said: "Do you mind if I measure your head?" I said: "Go ahead." And she was shocked, because less than one per cent of the world's population has a bigger head than mine. So I guess that means I'm pretty full of myself. Or that I have a huge brain.

There were times when I thought I got a bit more punishment than was coming to me, but I don't regret a minute of it now. Each of us must be tempered in some fire. Nobody had more to do with choosing the fire that tempered me than myself, and instead of finding fault with the fire I give thanks that I had the metal to take the temper and hold it.

I recommend that everyone in their youth be as out of shape as possible so that when you turn 40, people can go, "Wow, you look much better now."

I really wanted people to pay attention to me and like me. And the class clown thing, you know? There's a weird desperation to the class clown when you really investigate it. Why are they trying to be the clown so much? They're filling some kind of hole.

The thing is, the kids always rebel against what the parents try to push on them so I'm going to pretend like I don't want [my son] to hear the rock. I'm going to listen to it only in my private chambers. He'll hear echoes of it and say: "What was that you were listening to papa?" And I'll say: "Nothing son, you're not ready."

The greatest gift in life is the ability to think great thoughts and have the strength to take action so that those thoughts become reality in this wonderful and abundant world.

Funny songs, that’s my ticket. I can’t remember when it started or why it started, it’s just something that I NEEDED.