Frank McKinney Hubbardwas an American cartoonist, humorist, and journalist better known by his pen name "Kin" Hubbard...
If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.
Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.
If there's anything a public servant hates to do it's something for the public.
We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate.
The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.
Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.
Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.
There is no failure except in no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barrier save our own inherent weakness of purpose.
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while.
Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.
A bee is never as busy as it seems; it's just that it can't buzz any slower.
If capital and labor ever do get together it's good night for the rest of us.
Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
Peace has its victories no less than war, but it doesn't have as many monuments to unveil.
Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you.
Where ignorance is bliss it's foolish to borrow your neighbor's newspaper.
Kindness goes a long ways lots of times when it ought to stay at home.
It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth once they inherit it.
It's the good loser who finally loses out.
There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them.
An optimist is a fellow who believes what's going to be will be postponed
Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?
Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.
Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.
The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.
It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.
Men are not punished for their sins, but by them.
I don't look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans.
A good listener is usually thinking about something else.
The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.
Some folks can look so busy doing nothing that they seem indispensable.
Getting talked about is one of the penalties for being pretty, while being above suspicion is about the only compensation for being homely.
It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.
Lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.
The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.
Bargain... anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on.
Every once in a while someone without a single bad habit gets caught.
If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on a vacation.
A grouch escapes so many little annoyances that it almost pays to be one.
Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid.
It's what a fellow thinks he knows that hurts him.
The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.
Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it.
There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore and too young to kick.
The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing.
It ain't a bad plan to keep still occasionally even when you know what you're talking about.
No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech.
Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
I'll say this for adversity: people seem to be able to stand it, and that's more than I can say for prosperity.
Nobody kicks on being interrupted if it's by applause.
Live so that you can at least get the benefit of the doubt.
Universal peace sounds ridiculous to the head of an average family.
The world gets better every day - then worse again in the evening.
Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.
A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.
It used to be that a fellow went on the police force when everything else failed, but today he goes in the advertising game.
It isn't enough for you to love money - it's also necessary that money should love you.
After a fellow gets famous it doesn't take long for someone to bob up that used to sit by him in school.
When a fellow says, 'It ain't the money but the principle of the thing,' it's the money.
Being an optimist after you've got everything you want doesn't count.
As to those who hoard gold and silver and spend it not in God's path, give them, then, the tidings of a painful agony: on a day when these things shall be heated in hell-fire, and their foreheads, and their sides, and their backs shall be branded therewith.
Men are not punished for their for sins, but by them.
Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out any quicker than the Christmas spirit.
Listening is the only way to entertain some folks.
Why doesn't the fellow who says "I'm no speechmaker" let it go at that instead of giving a demonstration?
We'd all like t'vote for th' best man, but he's never a candidate.
We'd all like t'vote fer th' best man, but he's never a candidate.
We'd all like to vote for the best man but he's never a candidate.
When a fellow says it ain't the money but the principle of the thing, it's the money
Distant relatives are the best kind, and the further the better
The woman that tries t' keep up with the' procession don't see near as much as her husband who stands on the' curb
The world gels better every day - then worse again in the evening.
It seems to make an auto driver mad if he misses you.
The fellow that owns his own house is always just coming out of a hardware store.
Honesty pays, but it don't seem to pay enough to suit some people.
Executive: a man who makes quick decisions and is sometimes right.
None but the brave can live with the fair.
A never-failing way to get rid of a fellow is to tell him something for his own good.
Don't a fellow feel good after he gets out of a store where he nearly bought something.
A sympathizer is a fellow that's for you as long as it doesn't cost anything.
Washing your car and polishing it all up is a never failing sign of rain.
Making a long stay short is a great aid to popularity.
Women seem to be all right on bargains till it comes to picking out a husband.
The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.
When some folks agree with my opinions I begin to suspect I'm wrong.
Every father expects his boy to do the things he wouldn't do when he was young.
All the world loves a good loser.
It seems that nothing ever gets to going good till there's a few resignations
The worst waste of breath, next to playing a saxophone, is advising a son
Some people are so sensitive that they feel snubbed if an epidemic overlooks them.
Politics makes strange post-masters.
We can tell that a good name is better than riches by those who prefer the riches.
A sadder but wiser man is a thousand times more agreeable to meet than the feller that never makes a mistake.
One of the commonest ailments of the present day is the premature formation of opinion.
Experience is a dear teacher but he delivers the goods.
We're all self-made men, but not very many of us have stayed on the job.
No matter how much strong black coffee we drink, almost any after- dinner speech will counteract it.
The fellow that calls you 'brother' usually wants something that doesn't belong to him.