Steven Wright Quotations | Page 3

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

I'm addicted to placebos.

I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.

I was always making my friends laugh, but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.

I thought I would be a guy on the radio.

I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.

I like to talk about lint and coasters, the expansion of the universe and maybe McDonald's. I'm completely turned off by the idea of politics.

I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things.

I laugh all the time - at things, people, stuff, whatever. But, I don't laugh onstage because then it's serious business.

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.