W. C. Fields Quotations | Page 3

I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.

My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.

Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?

Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.

Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)

I have a poor memory for names; but I seldom remember a face.

If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.