Stephen Colbert Government Quotations

A press that has validity is a press that has authority. And as soon as there's any authority to what the press says, you question the authority of the government - it's like the existence of another authority.

I don't get why the government is the only one that gets to print money.

Mentioning Jesus in your speech: Small government. Doing what Jesus asked: Big government.

If Corporations are people, I guarantee you that a government of those people, by those people, and for those people will continue to exist.

Of the over 100,000 wildfires that happen in the U.S. each year, not a single one would get started without the fire triangle: Oxygen, heat and fuel. Fire needs all three to exist. It's like the three branches of our government: Legislative, judicial and executive. The fewer there are, the safer we are.

John Boehner chose a huge gavel. I think somebody's compensating for his small government.

My guest Newt Gingrich shut down the government during the Clinton administration. I'll ask him when it's gonna start working again.

If you're doing nothing wrong, you have nothing to hide from the giant surveillance apparatus the government's been hiding.

A native American group has filed a class-action lawsuit against the government for mismanagement of oil, gas, grazing, timber and other royalties since 1887. They're seeking $100 billion. Here's the good news: The government has responded what I believe is an appropriate counteroffer: A two-cent Navajo stamp.