Winston Churchill Humorous Quotations

Kites rise highest against the wind - not with it.

He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce.

A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.

In the course of my life, I have often had to eat my words, and I must confess that I have always found it a wholesome diet.

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.

There are two things that are more difficult than making an after-dinner speech: climbing a wall which is leaning toward you and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.

I am easily satisfied with the very best.

Mr. Churchill, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea!' And if you were my wife, I would drink it!

Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting.

When you get a thing the way you want it, leave it alone.

A joke is a very serious thing.

A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.

When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has no heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

We (The British) have not journeyed across the centuries, across the oceans, across the mountains, across the prairies, because we are made of sugar candy.

Show me a young Conservative and I'll show you someone with no heart. Show me an old Liberal and I'll show you someone with no brains.

Everyone is in favor of free speech. Hardly a day passes without its being extolled, but some people's idea of it is that they are free to say what they like, but if anyone else says anything back, that is an outrage.

Atlee is a very modest man. And with reason.