Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn't know how to lie, cheat, and steal. He's always had an agent for that.
You can calculate Zsa Zsa Gabor's age by the rings on her fingers.
The old water heater in my dressing room was working, but it was kind of tired. It gave off about as much warmth as an agent's handshake.
I've been married fifty-five years and I've been home three weeks.
With today's movies, if we took out all the bad language, we'd go back to silent films.
In his prime, the young comic walked onto a stage with the confidence of a man who owned it, and by the time he walked off, he did.
It's a wonderful way to live, and not a bad way to go, either. The average Frenchman is still smiling three months after he's dead.
The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series.
I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.
You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
I love flying. I've been to almost as many places as my luggage.
I've been playing golf a long time, although it's not really true that on my first round they strapped my bag on the back of a dinosaur.
Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.
Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason.
I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.
I'll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105.
You know you've reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.
He carries so many tacklers with him, he's listed in the Yellow Pages under 'Public Transportation.'