Dave Barry Stupidity Quotations

And now, the Superstore - unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

Murphy's golden rule: Whoever has the gold, makes the rules.

For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

Sign outside a country shop: We buy junk and sell antiques.

Sign at a New England church: Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished?

Sign at a Tennessee highway: When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

Too many rocks in the mountains.

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, "Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?

A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call.

Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness.

Found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse.

Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.

Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spiderwebs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests.

Several years ago we had an intern who was none too swift. One day he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," she told him. With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.

Chair lifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them.