Mark Twain Rat Quotations

Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates.

Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion.

Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

Everything has its limit - iron ore cannot be educated into gold.

The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession.

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.

I'm glad I did it, partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it again.

There has been much tragedy in my life; at least half of it actually happened.

Sing like no one is listening, LOVE LIKE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN HURT, dance like nobody's watcbing, and live like it's heaven on earth.

We are discreet sheep; we wait to see how the drove is going, and then go with the drove.

The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.

A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambition.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.

A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do.

There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy.

A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.

To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government and the sure and gradual deterioration of the public morals.

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.

All men have heard of the Mormon Bible, but few except the "elect" have seen it, or, at least, taken the trouble to read it. I brought away a copy from Salt Lake. The book is a curiosity to me, it is such a pretentious affair, and yet so "slow," so sleepy; such an insipid mess of inspiration. It is chloroform in print. If Joseph Smith composed this book, the act was a miracle — keeping awake while he did it was, at any rate.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.

Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.

What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.

God created war so that Americans would learn geography.

Good judgement is the result of experience and experience the result of bad judgement.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.

The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.

Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Worrying is like paying a debt you don't owe.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.

The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

Those who do not read the news are uninformed. Those who do are misinformed.

The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and starting on the first one.

Wine is a clog to the pen, not an inspiration.

The introduction of homeopathy forced the old school doctor to stir around and learn something of a rational nature about his business. You may honestly feel grateful that homeopathy survived the attempts of the allopaths to destroy it.

I was a-trembling, because I'd got to decide, forever, betwixt two things, and I knowed it.

There is nothing in the world like a persuasive speech to fuddle the mental apparatus and upset the convictions and debauch the emotions of an audience not practiced in the tricks and delusions of oratory

Always do what's right. That will gratify some and surprise the rest.

One thing at a time, is my motto - and just play that thing for all it is worth, even if it's only tto pair and a jack.

What are the proper proportions of a maxim? A minimum of sound to a maximum of sense.

A monarch, when good, is entitled to the consideration which we accord to a pirate who keeps Sunday School between crimes; when bad, he is entitled to none at all.

Creed and opinion change with time, and their symbols perish; but Literature and its temples are sacred to all creeds and inviolate.

As one boy said, 'I was thinking all these horrible thoughts about my parents when suddenly it hit me-if they're all that bad, how come I'm so wonderful'

If the metrics you are looking at aren't useful in optimizing your strategy - stop looking at them.

The kingly office is entitled to no respect. It was originally procured by the highwayman's methods. It remains a perpetuated crime, can never be anything but the symbol of a crime. It is no more entitled to respect than is the flag of a pirate.

Temperate temperance is best; intemperate temperance injures the cause of temperance.

Man can seldom - very, very, seldom - fight a winning fight against his training; the odds are too heavy.

He had an uncommon fondness for cats. As an old man summering in New Hampshire, Twain even rented kittens from a nearby farm to keep him company until he returned home. "If man could be crossed with the cat," said Twain, "it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat." There's always something about your success that displeases even your best friends.

When I was fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have him around. When I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. See what happens when you "know it all", at any stage of life? Farther down the track you may see clearly how certain personal opinions, held onto too tightly, could be fogging up the view, and providing incorrect insight. Prosperity is the best protector of principle.

I have spent most of my time worrying about things that have never happened. Worrying is not an action! In fact, it is action that alleviates concern and dissipates worries. Take more actions when you feel that worry is creeping in to steal your time. It need not be a huge action, any action in the direction you want to go will do.

The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them. It is said that leaders are readers. However if they read trashy magazines for the majority of their time and they never run with the information that they glean from resourceful books, then they may as well have not taken any time to read at all. It is easier to stay out than get out.

If the desire to kill and the opportunity to kill always came together, who would escape hanging? Framed in a more positive light, this tells us also that if we wish to accomplish a particular thing then we need to increase our level of desire for that thing and to create or seek out the opportunities and right environment for it to happen without fail.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. You can "already know for sure" things that could actually impede progress. Always be on the lookout for the things you did not know, that you did not know. Secondly, work on strengthening personal belief that a particular will be achieved regardless of any adversity that may show up, or evidence to the contrary.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. As in the words of Wayne Dyer, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. Sometimes to know with certainty that a particular thing is "true", will actually be the very thing that keeps you from attaining the things you seek to achieve.

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. Overnight success is a fallacy. It is preceded by a great deal of preparation. Ask any successful person how they came to this point in their lives, and they will have a story to tell.

Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time. You cannot eliminate habits that no longer serve you. You can only replace them with new habits that support your goals. Moment by moment, you need to live with awareness and structure the habits that you include or exclude in your days.

Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. To live a fulfilled life, we need to keep creating the "what is next", of our lives. Without dreams and goals there is no living, only merely existing, and that is not why we are here.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear. So many look to eradicate fear from their lives, when that is an impossible task. You can certainly experience moments in absence of fear, however accept that fear will be with you whenever you are in the process of living creatively. The challenge is to go ahead regardless, simply notice the feeling and manage being courageous.

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval. There is nothing more satisfying than that sense of being completely "at home" in your own skin. When you achieve that as a natural state of "being", then you can finally look beyond yourself and fully contribute all your talents to the world.

I prefer milk because I am a Prohibitionist, but I do not go to it for inspiration.

Against a diseased imagination demonstration goes for nothing.

To my mind that literature is best and most enduring which is characterized by a noble simplicity.

Italy is the home of art and swindling; home of religion and moral rottenness

All our acts, reasoned and unreasoned, are selfish

If to be interesting is to be uncommonplace, it is becoming a question, with me, if there are any commonplace people

Only a government that is rich and safe can afford to be a democracy, for democracy is the most expensive and nefarious kind of government ever heard of on earth

She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot

You may honestly feel grateful that homeopathy survived the attempts of the allopaths (orthodoxy) to destroy it.

Suddenly the nickel-clad horse takes the bit in its mouth and goes slanting for the curbstone defying all prayers and all your powers to change its mind - your heart stands still, your breath hangs fire, your legs forget to work.

Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.

The Public is merely a multiplied 'me.'

No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon.

The educated Southerner has no use for an 'r', except at the beginning of a word.

Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so.

Better a broken promise than none at all.

Explore. Dream. Discover.

Authorship is not a trade, it is an inspiration; authorship does not keep an office, its habitation is all out under the sky, and everywhere the winds are blowing and the sun is shining and the creatures of God are free.

The report of my illness grew out of his (James Clemens) illness. The report of my death was an exaggeration.

Let us be grateful to Adam: he cut us out of the blessing of idleness and won for us the curse of labor.

I am technically "boss" of the family which I am carrying along-but I am grateful to know that it is only technically - that the real authority rests on the other side of the house. It is placed there by a beneficent Providence, who foresaw before I was born, or, if he did not, he has found it out since - that I am not in any way qualified to travel alone.

Gratitude is a debt which usually goes on accumulating like blackmail; the more you pay, the more is exacted.