Graham Norton Quotations

Where I get bored is when I show up for a shoot and they want me to wear a feather boa. Too obvious a thing for a poof on the telly to do.

Because society places a value on masculinity, gay men aspire to it. If you go to a gay club and the doorman says, 'You do realise this is a gay club, don't you lads?' you get all excited because you think, 'Wow, he thought I was straight!'

All my day is spent dealing with other people. When I come home I like it to be empty. The presence of others in my house kind of annoys me. I love coming home and shutting the doors. I feel brain dead. I'm relatively available, but not to live with.

I am camp. Lots of gay men can't cope with their campness. They are in denial about it.

You don't want to be hard to look at. Plain very good, hard to look at bad. The plain shall inherit the earth; time is our friend.

I'm actually quite self-sufficient, so it might look as if there isn't room for anyone in my life. That isn't entirely the case.

I don't think you should have to try to be nice, I think most people are nice. I think being cheerful and nice is just a politeness.

Do I have more depth than I'm given credit for? No!

I don't think I've got bad taste. I've got no taste.

The only people who are desperate to go on the show are people we're desperate not to have on the show.

Basically, I'm a really bad interviewer. I love meeting celebrities, but then I get a bit bored. Once you meet them you thing, 'really, what an ordinary person'.

Straight men just can't imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do.

I always say I'd rather be miserable by myself than unhappy in a relationship.

I do get pleasure from very inconsequential things, like shopping for clothes.

A comedian's a comedian. They're a very kind of cynical bunch. I guess that's why I like them.

Some people think they're depressed and they go to the doctor and want pills. And you just think: 'You hate where you live, you've lost your job, your boyfriend has dumped you, could all this be why you're depressed?'

I have nothing to say about my childhood. It was a perfectly pleasant upbringing - it's not like it was unhappy or anything.

I was a failed actor but I still wanted to show off, so I ended up doing live comedy.

I've so exceeded what I ever wanted to do.

If you'd told the young Graham Norton that I'd one day have this amount of money, I'd have assumed it would have come from a lottery win.

My mobile rang around lunchtime one day, and it was George Michael. He wanted to come in on Friday. We were like, 'okay, if that's what you want'. And he was a very good guest. That's a real exception to the rule.

The people I want are very famous and very rich, and all I can offer them is a bit of exposure on TV and a bit of cash, so it's a miracle we get any guests at all. But we have been very lucky.

My life could have been so grim really, really grim.

My ambition was to stop waiting tables. That was how I measured success: finally, I was able to stop waiting tables, and I was able to pay the rent, and that was by being a stand-up comic. Not a very good stand-up comic, but good enough to make a living.

On meeting Victoria and David Beckham: Victoria pointed to her necklace and said '?1.5 million'. David introduced himself. I was staring at his wife's tits and shouting 'how much?!

We supply wine to all the guests - but most of the guests don't bring the wine on. But I drink wine before the show. Everyone does.

My version of falling in love is borderline psychotic. Should be avoided at all costs. Get obsessed. Can't fall in love and function at the same time. All-consuming. Tunnel vision. Euphoric.'

To be nominated for this is really huge because like it's the globe, it's the world television.

Being asked to host the BAFTA awards is a huge thrill, not to mention a lot easier than sitting in the audience pretending to be pleased for the winners.

I spent a long time working in restaurants and making no money. It was very character-building, but I think it could have been built in a shorter time.

The BBC will always be attacked by whoever is in government. It is that George Bush thing of 'If you're not with us you are against us.'

It's amazing how I can just ramble on for hours, isn't it? And so unentertaining or uninteresting. But I can ramble on for hours. It's a sort of terrible gift, isn't it?

In terms of language, yeah we get bleeped and blurred and things, but in terms of content, I would probably say we're getting away with more here than we could get away with in Britain. And that surprised us so much!

It's lovely to get one successful show - the chances of finding a second one are not so hot.

Occasionally the state of the planet can knock me off my perky perch.

You don't want money to make you a social freak where you can only hang out with rich people.

It sounds deeply shallow, but for brief spells every member of the public can be fascinating.

If it was possible for me to adopt, I probably would, but no one's going to let me adopt.

The higher your profile becomes, the more aware you are that people out there might hate you.

Well, certainly I think American television is - that's proper TV.

I loved Lucille Ball growing up.

I think the word is adult!

I'd like to retire at 50 but I don't want to sell papers in the middle of London on a Zimmer.

I'm often dating people, but I don't say it because you sort of know it won't last long.

All these people I interview are worth ten times what I'm worth.

Britain's such a twisted, weird little place.

An awful lot of female celebrities are very beautiful whereas a lot of male celebrities are not so hot.

Those years between drama school and getting onto the stand-up circuit were pretty lean.

My parents grew up working class, but in that way that working class families do, they spent a fortune on education to better me.

Forty freaked me out. I didn't see it coming. My life was in a state of chaos - I was moving jobs and moving house - and it just hit me like a ton of bricks.

All my interesting stories are from before I was on television. Nothing interesting has happened to me since then. Maybe it's because the most interesting thing in my life is the show and that's on telly.

Tolerance is forced on people in London.

The only time I took Ecstacy was years and years ago. It was absolutely amazing.

In my experience the difference between a straight and a bisexual is about four pints

I am very quick to judge.

I've heard other gay people say when they were growing up they felt 'foreign.' Growing up, I was able to label these feelings as: 'I'm a Protestant.' It wasn't until I left, I thought: 'Oh, those weren't Protestant feelings.'

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.

I don't think anyone wants to be gay.

I bet Maurice Gibb's heart monitor was singing the tune of Stayin' Alive.

The BBC is a victim of its own independence.

I am really bad at actually interviewing people.

One of the great things about being gay and out is that the papers couldn't care less about your love life.