Ryan Stiles Quotations

The sky, the sky beyond the door is blue.

I'm Jim Phillips, I have multiple personalities. I'm also a skindiver, a puppeteer, and I was the tenth president of the United States.

I'm convinced to do improv. All you have to do is listen to what people are saying to you, and then just add more information to what they've just said. That's all there is to improv, but it's the hardest thing to do

I'd rather drive the yellow brick road, you wouldn't happen to know of a rental car place around.

If I were a man with gills, I would be a fish!

Never interrupt me when I'm eating a banana.

You know, I've got a confession to make myself. I'm not really a priest, I've just got my shirt on backwards.

If I could rap, that would be a sensation, but I can't, you see, I'm just a Caucasian.

What do I do when we're not taping? Sit in a dark room and refine my plans for someday ruling Earth from a blimp. And chess.

I'm going to buy some green bananas because by the time I get home they'll be ripe.

I wasn't particularly funny in high school, but I grew up with three older brothers who were quite funny.

That is raw dough. Never eat raw dough. They can make worms in your tummy. Worms in your tummy.

If I were but a man who would be tall, I would be me.

I can't sprinkle sprinkles on. I lose control when I have sprinkles. I'm shaky. I still remember the great sprinkle accident of 1982.

If I were as much of a man as my woman, I'd be my wife.

The first rule to living in America is 'Stop tap dancing, you fool!'.

Drew's a funny guy. Because anything he gets into, he gets in 100%. Even when we were doing 'The Drew Carey Show,' he got into bowling, and suddenly he's phoning up pros for tips and carrying around 3 balls. It's just how he does it.

If I were like your mother, I would be a woman.

When it comes to making love, I may not be the best, but I'm damn gouda.

I did standup for a lot of years, too, but when you come out as a standup, you get the feeling from a crowd - it's a kind of a 'make me laugh' attitude. But when you come out as an improvisor, they realize that they're suggesting everything you do. So they're already invested in the scene, and they actually want it to work.

I was into sports in high school, but I got kicked out of Richmond High at 17, so I never graduated. However, I still get invites to the class reunions... I don't know that I want to see how everyone looks now.

On 'Whose Line,' we had six, seven, eight scenes per show, so everything was pretty quick. And there's a lot of games that we just got tired of, like 'Hats' and 'World's Worst' and 'Hoedown' and stuff.

I love B.C., but you know what taxes are like in Canada.

I sometimes think about doing another series. But you work three weeks and you get a week off. I did that for years and didn't see my kids very much. I promised them when 'Drew' and 'Whose Line' ended, I would spend more time with them. I'll wait for them to grow up. Ideally, what I'd like to do is shoot something in Vancouver an L.A. project in Vancouver.

I support freeing Iraqi's from tyranny. I came here to show there are American who support what bush is doing in Iraq.

The sky, the sky beyond the door is bluuuuuuue!

I look like Walt Disney just threw up.

I cant sprinkle sprinkles on. I lose control when I have sprinkles. Im shaky. I still remember the great sprinkle accident of 1982.

I wasnt particularly funny in high school, but I grew up with three older brothers who were quite funny.

I love B.C., but you know what taxes are like in Canada.

Two thongs don't make a right.

The good news is your surgery was a success and now you look like a movie star! The bad news is that movie star is Drew Carey!

I am breathing. That's how I'm staying alive!

Quiet! I'm expressing myself!

We're expecting a lot of rain in the state of Oregon, so let's just get rid of Oregon.