William Penn Adair "Will" Rogerswas an American cowboy, vaudeville performer, humorist, newspaper columnist, social commentator, and stage and motion picture actor... (wikipedia)
About all I can say for the United States Senate is that it opens with a prayer and closes with an investigation.
The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself.
One Ad is worth more to a paper than forty Editorials.
If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.
Prohibition is better than no liquor at all.
It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you.
An economist's guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's.
If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.
One-third of the people in the United States promote, while the other two-thirds provide.
There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you
Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches.
I read about eight newspapers in a day. When I'm in a town with only one newspaper, I read it eight times.
In Hollywood you can see things at night that are fast enough to be in the Olympics in the day time.
The United States never lost a war or won a conference.
On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.
We are always saying let the law take its course, but what we mean is 'Let the law take our course.'
What he needs is some way to pay back. Not some way to borrow more.
When everybody has got money they cut taxes, and when they're broke they raise 'em. That's statesmanship of the highest order.
There ain't nothing that breaks up homes, country, and nations like somebody publishing their memoirs.
There are two things that can disrupt the American economy. One is a war. The other is a meeting of The Federal Reserve Board.
When the Oakies left Oklahoma and moved to California, it raised the I.Q. of both states.
Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
Let Wall Street have a nightmare and the whole country has to help get them back in bed again
Liberty don't work as good in practice as it does in speeches
So get a few laughs and do the best you can. Don't have an ideal to work for. That's like riding towards the mirage of a lake.
So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the familiy parrotto the town gossip.
So live that you would not mind selling your pet parrot to the town gossip
On account of us being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does
Mayor Scott and I go to the same church. He's a friend of mine ... I just think I can provide stronger leadership.
One revolution is just like one cocktail, it just gets you organized for the next
My ancestors didn't come over on the Mayflower, but they were there to meet the boat.
My ancestors didn't come over in the Mayflower -- they met the boat.
My father was one eighth Cherokee and my mother one fourth Cherokee, which I figure makes me about an eighth cigar-store Injun.
Maybe ain't ain't so correct, but I notice that lots of folks who ain't using ain't ain't eating.
Politicians are dumb, but they can count to 50% plus 1.
Politics has got so expensive that it takes lots of money to even get beat with.
Politics ain't worrying this country one-tenth as much as where to find a parking space
Popularity is the easiest thing in the world to gain and it is the hardest thing to hold
If we ever pass out as a great nation we ought to put on our tombstone 'America died from a delusion that she had moral leadership'.
If these refugees had come to Texas and called call centers, most of them, instead of getting help, would have gotten busy signals,
If they really want to honor the boys, why don't they let them sit in the stands and have the people march by?
If they wasn't in congress, why, they would be doing something else against us that might be even worse.
I don't know jokes; I just watch the government and report the facts.
I don't belong to an organized political party, I'm a Democrat.
I have a scheme for stopping war. It's this -- no nation is allowed to enter a war till they have paid for the last one.
We can make this thing into a Party, instead of a Memory
We can get mighty rich, but if we haven't got any friends, we will find we are poorer than anybody.
We can get hot and bothered quicker over nothing, and cool off faster than nay nation in the world
There is good news from Washington today. Congress is deadlocked and can't act.
God made man a little lower than the angels, and he has been getting a little lower ever since
He can take a batch of words and scramble them together and leaven them properly with a hunk of oratory and knock the White House door-knob right out of a candidate's hand.
He is the first president to discover that what the American people want is to be left alone.
It costs ten times more to govern that it used to, and we are not governed one-tenth as good.
I see a good deal of talk from Washington about lowering taxes. I hope they do get 'em lowered enough so people can afford to pay 'em.
Our investigations have always contributed more to our amusement than they have to knowledge
Our foreign dealings are an open book -- generally, a checkbook.
Playing the hero is the shortes career you can have
Statesmen think they make history; but history makes itself and drags the statesmen along.
Live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
It doesn't much signify whom one marries, for one is sure to find out the next morning that it was someone else.
I tell you, all politics is apple sauce.
We have the best Congress money can buy.
You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects
When they do nothing, they don't hurt anybody. When they do something is when they become dangerous.
When I was a kid I was told anyone could become President. Now I'm beginning to believe it.
When an Okie moves to California, he raises the IQ of both states
The Democrats and Republicans are equally corrupt -- it's only in the amount where the Republicans excel.
We'll show the world we are prosperous, even if we have to go broke to do it.
We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by
There comes Coolidge and does nothing and retires a hero, not only because he hadn't done anything, but because he had done it better than anyone
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
Well, I can understand a man perhaps being eccentric enough to want to own a silk hat.
Wrigley was the first man to discover that American jaws must wag; so why not give them something to wag against.
There is something about a Republican that you can only stand him for so long; and on the other hand, there is something about a Democrat that you can't stand him quite that long.
There is not a man in the country that can't make a living for himself and his family. But he can't make a living for them AND the government, too, the way his government is living. What the government has got to do is live as cheap as the people.
What's the matter with the world? Why, there ain't but one thing wrong with every one of us -- and that's selfishness.
We changed with the times, so we can't blame the children for just joining the times without even having to change.
This thing of being a hero, about the main thing to it is to know when to die. Prolonged life has ruined more men than it ever made.
We do not know what we want, but we are ready to bite somebody to get it
Broad-minded is just another way of saying a fellow's too lazy to form an opinion
Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
Don't just grab the first thing that comes by. Know what to turn down.
Don't just grab at the first thing that comes along. . . . Know when to refuse something that won't get you anywhere.
An economist is a man that can tell you . . . what can happen under any given condition, and his guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's too.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else
There should be one day when there is open season on senators.
The whole thing about the women is, they lust to be misunderstood
The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office
The South is dry and will vote dry. That is, everybody sober enough to stagger to the polls will.
Technocracy wants to do everything by machinery. . . . Machinery is doing just fine. If it can't kill you, it will put you out of work.
Say as little as possible while appearing to be awake.
Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.
The movies enable an actor not only to act but also to sit down in the theater and clap for himself
A diplomat is one that says something that is equally misunderstood by both sides, and never clear to either.
A fanatic is always the fellow on the opposite side.
The one that can see years ahead has a telescope, but he can't make anybody believe that he has it.
Nowadays it is about as big a crime to be dumb as it is to be dishonest.
An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh.
Any nation is heathen that ain't strong enough to punch you in the jaw.