So the most appealing, successful males are the ones who give really high intensity, aggressive displays without threatening the female. They observe female behaviors and they increase their intensity as the female signals that she's comfortable, without being intense too soon.
There are the males that never give intense displays; they just kind of ... don't have it. Then there are the males that are too intense too soon before the female is ready, so those are the males that don't know how to use it.