Jay Leno Hard Quotations

Here at work, obviously, I make the most money of anyone on the show, so I try to be the first one here and the last one to leave. I have the crummiest office. I try to balance things out, spread it around.

U.N. officials said today they desperately need $7 billion to help people cope with disasters, but they're having a hard time getting people to send rescue money. Here's what the UN should do: Invest in bad mortgages, run a bank into the ground, give yourself a bonus, get some spa treatments and, in no time, the government will send you $750 billion.

If I have one advantage, it's that I will try to work harder than the next guy.

Anybody can have a life. Careers are hard to come by.

Never perform for your family. They either laugh too hard or not at all.