Jerry Coleman Humor Quotations

Renko has just about had it. Pretty soon somebody will come out of the dugout with a fork and get him.

George Hendrick simply lost that sun-blown pop-up.

The Cards lead the Dodgers 4-2 after one inning and that one hasn't even started.

Ozzie Smith is out there roaming around like glass.

Billy Almon has all of his in-laws and outlaws here this afternoon.

Templeton is as hot as you can be and still walk!

I don't know about Willie Davis. He's not as young as he used to be.

Ozzie Smith just made another play that I've never seen anyone else make before, and I've seen him make it more often than anyone else ever has.

Parker's grand slam is the same as going 4 for 4, even though he went 1 for 4.

Zane Smith is a guy who can shut you out as well as look at you.

With one out in the first, Dave Roberts looks a lot better than the last time he pitched against the Padres!

When Guante started, they thought he'd be like popcorn, one of the most popular things around.

I've never seen a game like this. Every game this year has been like this.

You didn't have to say it was gone. It was gone before it got outta here. It was going that fast.

That was like swatting June bugs off a fly.

DeShaies is like a clock out there. Every other pitch goes one way or the other.

What a great hitch to pit!

National League umpires wear inside chest protesters.

The Phillies beat the Cubs today in a doubleheader. That puts another keg in the Cubs' coffin.

There's a hard shot to LeMaster, he throws Madlock into the dugout.

Reggie Smith of the Dodgers and Gary Matthews of the homers hit Braves in that game.

And Kansas City is at Chicago tonight, or is it Chicago at Kansas City? Well, no matter as Kansas City leads in the eighth 4 to 4.

Sanguillen is totally unpredictable to pitch to because he's so unpredictable.

I sure hope you're staying alive for the upcoming Dodgers series.

The sky is so clear today you can see all the way to Missouri.

At the end of six innings of play, it's Montreal 5, Expos 3.

Eric Show will be 0 for 10 if that pop fly ever comes down.

The Padres, after winning the first game of the doubleheader, are ahead here in the top of the fifth and hoping for a split.

They throw Winfield out at second, but he's safe.

Mike Caldwell, the Padres' right-handed southpaw, will pitch tonight.

Those amateur umpires are certainly flexing their fangs tonight.

The ex-left-hander Dave Roberts will be going for Houston.

Hector Torrez, how can you communicate with Enzo Hernandez when he speaks Spanish and you speak Mexican?

The way he's swinging the bat, he won't get a hit until the 20th century.

Bob Davis has his hair differently this year, short with curls like Randy Jones wears. I think you call it a Frisbee.

Grubb goes back, back... He's under the warning track and makes the play.

Young Frank Pastore may have pitched the biggest victory of 1979. Maybe the biggest victory of the year!

Hrabosky looks fierce in that Fu Manchu haircut.

Thomas is racing for it, but McCovey is there and can't get his glove to it. That play shows the inexperience, not on Thomas' part, but on the part of Willie McC ... well, not on McCovey's part either.

Right now Andy Larkin is pitching just like young Andy Larkin.

It's off the leg and into the left field of Doug Rader.

If Pete Rose brings the Reds in first, they ought to bronze him and put him in cement.

Hi folks, I'm Gerry Gross!

McCovey swings and misses, and it's fouled back.

The big ballpark can do it all!

We started with 53,000 people. Half are gone, but surprisingly, most are still here!

Enos Cabell started out here with the Astros, and before that he was with the Orioles.

It's a base hit on the error by Roberts.

Even though the ball was doubled, they got it anyway.

Ozzie makes a leaping, diving stop, shovels to Fernando and everybody drops everything.

From the way Denny's shaking his head, he's either got an injured shoulder or a gnat in his eye.

If ever an error had "F" written on it, that grounder did.

Many people think the Cards at the end of the wire will cross the finish line first.

Kent Abbott is in the on-deck circuit.

Whenever you get an inflamed tendon, you've got a problem. OK, here's the next pitch to Gene Tendon.

That noise in my earphones knocked my nose off and I had to pick it up and find it.

Gonzo leaps like a giraffe and grabs it.

He can be lethal death.

There is someone warming up in the Giants' bullpen, but he's obscured by his number.

Edwards missed getting Stearns at third base by an eyeball.

The first pitch to Tucker Ashford is grounded into left field. No, wait a minute. It's ball one. Low and outside.

Montreal leads Atlanta by three, 5-1.

Houston has its largest crowd of the night here this evening.

That's the fourth extra base hit for the Padres - two doubles and a triple.

And it's a long drive down the line to centerfield.

Well, I hope before Glenn goes, he'll come up here so we can give him a big hug and a kiss, because that's the kind of guy he is.

There's a shot up the alley. Oh, it's just foul.

Davis fouls out to third in fair territory.

Over the course of a season, a miscue will cost you more than a good play.

I challenge anyone, even with a radar machine, to hit that slider.

Larry Moffett is 6' 3". Last year he was 6" 6".

You walk into the locker room, and you see players with their ripping muscles and stomachs you could wash your clothes in.

At the end, excitement maintained its hysteria.

Finley is going over to get a new piece of bat.

The Padres are really swinging some hot hats tonight!

Montefusco bare-hands it and throws him out. That grounder will make you a traveling salesman in a hurry!

Gene Richards swings, the ball bounces foul and hits him in the head. No harm done.

On the mound is Randy Jones, the left-hander with the Karl Marx hairdo.

That big guy, Winfield, at 6'6", can do things only a small man can do.

Those numbers with Tony are so often and so interesting.

Larry Lintz steals second standing up. He slid, but he didn't have to.

Shirley and Griffey get along like a rattler and a parrot.

The ballgame is over...in this inning.

You might want to put this in the back of your craw and think about it.

I like to use big words so people will think I know what I'm talking about.

Tony Gwynn, the fat batter behind Finley, is waiting.

Turner was like a pencil. He bent around that pitch!