Don Herold Quotations

The brighter you are, the more you have to learn.

The beggar is the only person in the universe not obliged to study appearance.

There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have.

If I had my life to live over, I would perhaps have more actual troubles but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.

There's one thing about baldness, it's neat.

It takes a lot of things to prove you are smart, but only one thing to prove you are ignorant.

It is a good thing that life is not as serious as it seems to a waiter.

Unhappiness is not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it.

Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.

A humorist is a person who feels bad, but who feels good about it.

Poverty must have many satisfactions, else there would not be so many poor people.

Why resist temptation? There will always be more.

Golf may be a hussy, but I love her.

Don't ever slam a door, you might want to go back.

There is more sophistication and less sense in New York than anywhere else on the globe.

Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to conceive

I say, let's banish bridge. Let's find some pleasant way of being miserable together.

When a speaker says, "Well, to make a long story short," it's too late

A woman's hair net tangled in a man's spectacles on top of the bedroom dresser.

Women give us solace, but if it were not for women we would never need solace.

About the time we get old enough to be as wicked as we want to be, we don't want to be so very wicked after all.

There is something distinctive about living in New York; over eight million other people are doing it.

The mind of man has no defense To equal plain, old common sense. This homely virtue don't despise, If you would be happy as well as wise.

This is the greatest paradox: the emotions cannot be trusted; yet it is the emotions that tell us the greatest truths.

A lot of men think that if they smile for a second, somebody will take advantage of them, and they are right.

[Reviewing a production of Uncle Tom's Cabin] The dogs were poorly supported by the cast.

Some people have nothing but experience.

Methods of locomotion have improved greatly in recent years, but places to go remain about the same.

If I had my life to live over, I would try to make more mistakes. I would relax. I would be sillier than I have been this trip. I know of very few things that I would take seriously. I would be less hygienic. I would go more places. I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers. I would eat more ice cream and less spinach. I would have more actual troubles and fewer imaginary troubles.

Be kind to dumb people.

Gentlemen prefer blondes, but take what they can get.

Conversation: The slowest form of human communication.

I had, out of my sixty teachers, a scant half dozen who couldn't have been supplanted by phonographs.

Nobody ever looked up and saw a good shot.

Golf is not sacred, and there is no use getting so gosh-darned solemn about it.

In all systems of theology, the devil figures as a male person.

The chief trouble with jazz is that there is not enough of it; some of it we have to listen to twice.

Moralizing and morals are two entirely different things and are always found in entirely different people

Comic-strip artists do not make good husbands, and God knows they do not make good comic strips.

Intellectuals should never marry; they won't enjoy it; and besides, they should not reproduce themselves.

Interruptions are the spice of life.

I do not believe in doing for pleasure things I do not like to do.

If I had my life to live over, I'd pick more daisies.

An honourable agreement among men as to their conduct toward women, and it was devised by women.

I wish I were either rich enough or poor enough to do a lot of things that are impossible in my present comfortable circumstances.

Be kind and considerate to others, depending somewhat upon who they are.

Babies are a great way to start people.

I wish I could stand on a busy corner, hat in hand and beg people to throw me all their wasted hours. If all you can see is your shadow, you're blocking your own light. If I had my life to live over, I would perhaps have more actual troubles but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.

Babies are such a nice way to start people.

Very few people look the part and are it too.

Women give us solace, but if it were not for women we should never need solace

We will hereafter believe less history than ever, now that we have seen how it is made

There is nothing so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have

Poverty must have its satisfactions, else there would not be so many poor people

A humorist is a man who feels bad but feels good about it

It's a good thing that life is not as serious as it seems to a waiter

The road to hell is thick with taxicabs