Emo Philips Quotations | Page 2

My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.

I was feeling a bit down, I went to a therapist a few times, at a hundred bucks a pop. But then I realized that no therapy session would ever cheer me up half as much as if I was just strolling along and found a hundred dollar bill.

I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.

When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: 'A truck!'

So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.

You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.

I've always kind of pushed the envelope in terms of trying to get away with things no one else was going near. I always thought of myself like a mouse trying to get cheese that no one else could get without getting their tail snipped off.

I'm filthy stinking rich - well, two out of three ain't bad.