Laurie Helgoe Quotations

If you ask an introvert a question, wait until she thinks about it. Introverts think before speaking, not through speaking. If you want to get to the good stuff, you need to slow down.

Often confused with shyness, introversion does not imply social reticence or discomfort. Rather than being averse to social engagement, introverts become overwhelmed by too much of it, which explains why the introvert is ready to leave a party after an hour and the extravert gains steam as the night goes on.

The ability to reflect is associated with critical thinking and reasoning ability. And the capacity to be alone is one of the highest levels of development. It's important to know how to self-soothe and be confident of other people's love even when they're not there in front of you.

There's a lot to love about America - freedom, the melting pot of diversity, individualism - all attractive concepts, especially to an introvert. In fact, the introverts were probably the first to feel crowded in England and to daydream about all the space they would find in the New World. Peace! Quiet!

When an introvert is quiet, don't assume he is depressed, snobbish or socially deficient.

Introverts like being introverts. We are drawn to ideas, we are passionate observers, and for us, solitude is rich and generative.

Breaking up is the hardest thing we do. It's the most important thing we do, in a way. You've got to embrace rejection, or you'll maintain a very limited life. It'll be very nice and neat - and very, very small.

One of the best places for a shy person to meet people is in a coffee shop. If you are a reader, bring a book and read it there - that gives a guy something to ask you about. Same goes for sketching, writing, or any hobby you can take with you.

America is a noisy culture, unlike, say, Finland, which values silence. Individualism, dominant in the U.S. and Germany, promotes the direct, fast-paced style of communication associated with extraversion. Collectivistic societies, such as those in East Asia, value privacy and restraint, qualities more characteristic of introverts.

When someone speaks to an introvert, her brain responds with a high level of activity. It is as if several lights start flashing on a control panel.

Introverts are more effective leaders of proactive employees. When you have a creative, energetic work force, an introvert is going to draw out that energy better.

A shy kid might look longingly at other kids playing in the schoolyard, afraid and unsure about how to approach them, but an introvert is perfectly content on her own.

I am very troubled by the tendency to define introverts by what they lack. Introversion is a preference, not a fallback plan.

Extraverts are comfortable thinking as they speak. Introverts prefer slow-paced interactions that allow room for thought. Brainstorming does not work for them. Email does.

Introversion, when embraced, is a wellspring of riches. It took me years to acknowledge this simple reality, to claim my home, and to value all it offers.

I've come to see the mosh pit as an apt description of American society - and of my childhood home. I was number nine of ten creative, mostly loud kids competing for airspace.

Introverts prefer introversion; we tend to gain energy by reflecting and expend energy when interacting. Extroverts have the opposite preference; they tend to gain energy by interacting and expend energy while reflecting.

I loved the study of psychology. I didn't love seeing patient after patient. I was perpetually overstimulated, busy decoding everything I took in.

When a quiet introvert talks, heads turn, and that's power.

Some findings reveal extroverts as more adept at reading nonverbal cues, and attribute this to the extrovert's greater interest and experience with social interactions. Another line of research using subliminal images of facial emotion found introverts to be more sensitive to the differences, and hypothesized that this may be why introverts regulate the amount of incoming social information.

Introverts are generally more sensitive to low-intensity stimuli - they are mentally alerted to inputs that extroverts may miss.

Extroverts are more responsive to high-intensity and "happy" stimuli, which may be why an extrovert gets frustrated at the less "readable" face of the introvert.

Introvert conversations are like jazz. Each player gets to solo for a nice stretch before the other player comes in and does his solo.

Introverts process information internally, and we don't like to express our thoughts until they are fully formed.

If the extrovert is trying to "cheer up" the introvert - extroverts are programmed to seek social rewards! - he or she may feel like a failure if the introvert remains unmoved.

This is why it is sometimes hard for introverts to find words: we really hate to compromise, and words are always a compromise.

If the extrovert watches and listens a bit more, the introvert's true mood will become more evident.

A good rule of thumb is that any environment that consistently leaves you feeling bad about who you are is the wrong environment.

For the introvert, conversation can be a very limited forum for self expression. When a song moves you, a writer gets you or a theory enlightens you, you and its creator are connecting in a realm beyond sight or speech.

Introverts tend to internalize problems. In other words, we place the source of problems within and blame ourselves. Though introverts may also externalize and see others as the problem, it's more convenient to keep the problem "in house." Internalizers tend to be reliable and responsible, but we can also be very hard on ourselves.

Introvert, her brain responds with a high level of activity, it is as if several lights start flashing on a control panel.

When an introvert cares about someone, she also wants contact, not so much to keep up with the events of the other person's life, but to keep up with what's inside: the evolution of ideas, values, thoughts, and feelings.

Whatever kind of introvert you are, some people will find you 'too much' in some ways and 'not enough' in others.

Introverts often assume what's inside is visible on the outside. We don't have to invent or fake the emotion; we just need to allow it to be seen!

An introvert may feel asocial when pressured to go to a party that doesn't interest her. But for her, the event does not promise meaningful interaction. In fact, she knows that the party will leave her feeling more alone and alienated.

Introverts paradoxically pull away from culture and create culture.

Introverts keep their best stuff inside—that is, until it is ready. And this drives extroverts crazy! The explanation for the introvert’s behavior—and there must be an explanation for this behavior, say the extroverts—is that he or she is antisocial, out of touch, or simply a snob.

Asking others for input puts you in the driver's seat, and may feel less awkward than having to watch yourself on video.

Reading is like travel, allowing you to exit your own life for a bit, and to come back with a renewed, even inspired, perspective.

Extroverts want us to have fun, because they assume we want what they want. And sometimes we do. But "fun" itself is a "bright" word, the kind of word that comes with flashing lights and an exclamation point! One of Merriam-Webster's definitions of "fun" is "violent or excited activity or argument." The very word makes me want to sit in a dimly lit room with lots of pillows-by myself.

Let's clear one thing up: Introverts do not hate small talk because we dislike people. We hate small talk because we hate the barrier it creates between people.

Extroverts are more attuned to social rewards, so they are more likely to flash a smile for effect. A notable exception are introverts - like me - whom I call "socially accessible" introverts. We have been trained well to smile and nod, which can place a burden on our processing efforts.

Though introverts are drained by interaction, we can take immense pleasure in watching the scene around us.

Isn't it refreshing to know that what comes perfectly natural for you is your greatest strength? Your power is in your nature. You may not think it's a big deal that you can spend hours immersed in something that interests you-alone-but the extrovert next door has no idea how you do it.

Introvert conversations are like jazz, where each player gets to solo for a nice stretch before the other player comes in and does his solo. And like jazz, once we get going, we can play all night. Extrovert conversations are more like tennis matches, where thoughts are batted back and forth, and players need to be ready to respond. Introverts get winded pretty quickly.

An extrovert is more likely to share immediate reactions and process information through conversation.

Quiet is might. Solitude is strength. Introversion is power.

Your nature is not the problem. The problem is that you have become alienated from your nature -- from your power source.

With public speaking, practicing congruence is very helpful - allowing the words to be expressed with the face and body. It helps to think of simply "turning up the nonverbal volume."

I am rarely bored alone; I am often bored in groups and crowds.

Introverts are collectors of thoughts, and solitude is where the collection is curated and rearranged to make sense of the present and future.

As an introvert, you can be your own best friend or your worst enemy. The good news is we generally like our own company, a quality that extroverts often envy. We find comfort in solitude and know how to soothe ourselves.