Neil Strauss Quotations

A good organizer is key to anyone with a busy social life.

While I am impulsive in many areas of my life, marriage is not one of them.

A lot of women - not all of them, a lot of them - feel insecure about men being men.

When the Internet first came into public use, it was hailed as a liberation from conformity, a floating world ruled by passion, creativity, innovation and freedom of information. When it was hijacked first by advertising and then by commerce, it seemed like it had been fully co-opted and brought into line with human greed and ambition.

Because it's so easy to medicate our need for self-worth by pandering to win followers, 'likes' and view counts, social media have become the metier of choice for many people who might otherwise channel that energy into books, music or art - or even into their own Web ventures.

Never ask a woman if you may kiss her. Instead, learn to read body language.

A lot of guys are very intimidated by an attractive woman, and they dehumanise her because our culture perceives beautiful women as commodities. But I think if you're able walk up to a person and get to know them, and you see their flaws and their impurities, and realise that they're like you, then you can humanise them again.

A pick-up artist gave me a good piece of advice: the three most important things in a relationship are honesty, trust and respect, and if you don't have those, you don't have love.

Anyone who hates something feels threatened by it. A guy who says he hates feminism (a) doesn't understand or know feminism, and (b) is scared of powerful women. Most attacks come from fear.

The trick, when you're flirting, is figuring how to keep a balance between being engaging enough to retain someone's attention and not seeming overly available. So you tease a person a little.

When it comes to meeting and attracting women, many men are resigned and complacent. We figure some guys were born with that particular power and other guys weren't. I wasn't.

Men are a hundred times worse than you can imagine. We are thinking the worst, shallowest thoughts, all the time.

The good thing is that women have such high expectations of men that it inspires us to live up to them. That's what I learned about male-female relationships.

I've begun to look at the world through apocalypse eyes. Our society, which seems so sturdily built out of concrete and custom, is just a temporary resting place, a hotel our civilization checked into a couple hundred years ago and must one day check out of.

Almost everyone who reaches a plateau where he or she is happy and comfortable says its because of finding balance between work, relaxation, exercise, socialising and family - plus some alone time to do something contemplative, creative, or educational.

Since I was 18, I've been under orders from magazines and newspapers - chiefly The New York Times and Rolling Stone - to step into the lives of musicians, actors, and artists, and somehow find out who they really are underneath the mask they present to the public. But I didn't always succeed.

I've seen rock stars agonize over the fact that another artist has far more Facebook 'likes' and Twitter followers than they do.

Many people we consider legends, such as Jerry Lee Lewis and Chuck Berry, remain so scarred by scandals, injustices and regrets from decades earlier that they're barely able to appreciate their accomplishments.

When I was in college, my whole goal was to write for the 'Village Voice,' and I think I was doing that by the time I was twenty-one or twenty, so everything else has kind of been gravy, you know?

When I look down at my pale, skinny body, I wonder why any woman would want to sleep next to it, let alone embrace it.

You need to be careful with a Bluetooth headset. Because some guys look crazy with them.

I think my love is storytelling. No matter what it is, it's storytelling. And so whatever the medium is, what's right for the story, I enjoy doing it.

I know that I need honesty from the people I interview. I also know that the truth is more interesting than made up stuff, and also, people don't connect with you if you're not honest.

There can be people who are feminist, and people who hold the completely opposite view but are still feminists. It seems to me from the outside that there's a lot of people busy fighting each other rather than working toward their goals. It's a shame.

To me, I think it's awesome to meet your heroes and find out who they are and where they came from and what made them choose to communicate in the form that connected with you.

Fame won't make you feel any better about yourself.

I always wanted to interview Michael Jackson, because I just wanted to humanize him.

I feel like rock stars feel a sense of entitlement, whereas I just feel a sense of good fortune.

I think there are just a million interviews in anthologies with famous musicians that are about the music, and they're really boring to read.

I've noticed a pattern in stars that start acting out in public. Every one of them felt like they grew up without love.

People don't come out for book events. They want to feel an emotion and be entertained.

Your intention for a book is never the same as the reception.

Growing up, I was watched by my parents and strongly critiqued. Instead of saying they loved me or showing physical attention, they would joke that I had a Roman nose - that it was roamin' all over my face. Teasing was their way of showing love, but then you are young, sometimes you can't tell the difference.

I was one of them. I understand what they're going through.

You may have missed your window because now she's with a guy. But go and approach her anyway. It's a two set.

Don't even think about it and just do it. If you don't, you'll be regretting it the rest of the weekend.

See that girl over there with the pink shirt? ... I think she's, like, the hottest girl in the whole place.

The modern player is totally under the radar.

I totally understand all the bad press, ... It's not about the book, but the ideas in it and the way these guys speak. But on the other hand, this is how these guys speak when they're together. So if I wrote a book that was unassailable in that direction, it wouldn't be an honest book ... if a guy was open about his sexual feelings all the time, he would become a total outcast.

I had to go through this because men never ask for help. And they never take a good, hard look at themselves to figure out what's broken, what's not effective, what's not working.

I'm not worried about it because guys will always need to find a way to meet women. Attraction is always the same. You can't help it. You can't disarm that.

I really felt like it turned into Lord of the Flies or something at the end.

I had clearly become one. When I talked to a woman, the room went silent. The guys leaned in close to hear what I was saying, pulling out notebooks to write my words down and commit them to memory.

God is on the side of the winner.

Instead of putting others down, try improving yourself instead. The only person you have a right to compete with is you. In the meantime, treat others how you'd like to be treated. One trait that some of the best (communicators) share is empathy. A couple of kind words can not only make a person's day, but earn you a friend and supporter for life. For the rest of the week, whenever you see someone you want to judge negatively, pay them a compliment instead. See what happens.

I want to learn martial arts," he said docilely, "so when I want to kill someone, I can do something about it.

STRAUSS:Have you ever thought about putting those experiences into a book? RICHIE:I did decide to write about what i experienced in climbing to the top. And finally when I got there, I discovered what was at the top.You know what was there? STRAUSS: No, I don't. RICHIE: Nothing. Not one thing. What was at the top was all the experiences that you had to get there.

Most robots don't program themselves.

We make fun of those we're most scared of becoming.

There are certain bad habits we've groomed our whole life -- from personality flaws to fashion faux pas. And it has been the role of parents and friends, outside of some minor tweaking, to reinforce the belief that we're okay just as we are. But it's not enough to just be yourself. You have to be your best self. And that's a tall order if you haven't found your best self yet.

That's how hatred is created: two different groups, each insisting they're on the moral high ground

Men are not dogs. We merely think we are and, on occasion, act as if we are. But, by believing in our nobler nature, women have the amazing power to inspire us to live up to it.

I've never trusted collaborations, because most people in this world are not closers. They don't finish what they start; they don't live what they dream; they sabotage their own progress because they're afraid they won't find what they seek.

He was telling the students about the hypnotic technique of using quotes in a conversation. An idea is more palatable ... if it comes from someone else. The unconscious thinks in terms of content and structure. If you introduce a pattern with the words, 'My friend was telling me,' the critical part of her mind shuts off.

Never underestimate your own capacity to care.

Those who ask for help are often those who have failed to do something for themselves.

Life is more fun when you open your mouth.

Rapport equals trust plus comfort.

Accepting others' life choices is something most people only learn with age.

It’s not lying, it’s flirting.

Alcohol has never caused anyone to do something they didn't want to do. It only enables them to do what they've always wanted but have instead repressed.

We get stuck in old thought and behavior patterns that may have been effective when we were twelve months or twelve years old, but now only serve to hold us back. And, while those around us may have no problem correcting our minor flaws, they let the big ones slide, because it would mean attacking who we are.

One of the reasons I became a writer is that, unlike starting a band, directing movies, or acting in a theatrical production, you can do it alone. Your success and failure depend entirely on yourself.

But who are we, really? Just a bundle of good genes and bad genes mixed with good habits and bad habits. And since there's no gene for coolness or confidence, then being uncool and unconfident are just bad habits, which can be changed with enough guidance and will power.

True endurance, I think, comes from the inside. It comes from motivation and belief in what you're doing.

Attraction is not an option.

The strong live off the weak and the clever live off the strong.

After all, everyone's favorite subject is themselves.

In fact, every woman I met seemed disposable and replaceable. I was experiencing seducer's paradox: The better a seducer I became, the less I loved women. Success was no longer defined by getting laid or finding a girlfriend, but by how well I performed.

To get a woman, you have to be willing to risk losing her.

One of the things I'd learned ... was how to take a compliment. Just say, "Thank you." It's the only response a confident person can make.

We're just fragile machines programmed with a false sense of our own importance. And every now and then the universe sends a reminder that we don't really matter to it...

there are only so many ways to get rejected or ignored. It doesn't hurt at all anymore because why should someone who's a complete stranger have any control over your sense of selfworth?

If there was anything I'd learned, it's that the man never chooses the woman. All he can do is give her an opportunity to choose him.

Fear makes you docile.

We have this idea that love is supposed to last forever. But love isn't like that. It's a free-flowing energy that comes and goes when it pleases. Sometimes, it stays for life; other times it stays for a second, a day, a month or a year. So don't fear love when it comes simply because it makes you vulnerable. But don't be surprised when it leaves either. Just be glad you had the opportunity to experience it.

Without commitment, you cannot have depth in anything, whether it's a relationship, a business or a hobby.

It's not enough to just be yourself. You must be your best self

You have to build systems to protect against your lesser self.

A couple of kind words can not only make a person's day, but earn you a friend and supporter for life. For the rest of the week, whenever you see someone you want to judge negatively, pay them a compliment instead. See what happens.

In life, people tend to wait for good things to come to them. And by waiting, they miss out. Usually, what you wish for doesn't fall in your lap; it falls somewhere nearby, and you have to recognize it, stand up, and put in the time and work it takes to get to it. This isn't because the universe is cruel. It's because the universe is smart. It has its own cat-string theory and knows we don't appreciate things that fall into our laps.

All this stuff is backward engineered from what works. Nobody sat at a computer and invented these techniques. They watched guys who are successful and broke it down to what works.

The first night we go out, the students will walk in and crash and burn because they don't have a clue yet. The second day is more about the students and they'll go and do openers and do OK, and the third day is kind of fun. On the third day, they actually start to have some success. People forget how petrified men are to talk to women they don't know.