George Carlin Theist Quotations

I profess no belief in God, which by definition is true, especially if we take the accepted definition of God. But to be an atheist is to also have a belief, and have a system, and I don't know that I like that either.

Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.

When it comes to God's existence, I'm not an atheist and I'm not agnostic. I'm an acrostic. The whole thing puzzles me.

I thought of myself as an atheist until I realized it was a belief, too. It's a shame everything has to have a label. I feel that if I was figuratively dropped on the Earth and there was a political line, I would be just left of center. The difference for me is that conservatives are more interested in property values and rights and free markets, and liberals are more interested in human rights. In the end, there are people who don't fit into the marketplace and are not equipped. I believe the government should step in where the free market fails.

For a while, I thought of myself as an atheist until I realized it was a belief, too. It's a shame everything has to have a label.

In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.

When in comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

I also survived circumcision, a barbaric practice designed to remind you as early as possible that your genitals are not your own.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.