Henny Youngman Two Quotations

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!

She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate.

Those bellhops in Miami are tip-happy. I ordered a deck of playing cards and the bellboy made fifty-two trips to my room.

I've got two wonderful children - and two out of five isn't too bad.

I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'

A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.

Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.