Comedian Quotations | Page 3

I don't think I was a good comedian.

I was influenced by every comedian I ever saw work. That's the only way you learn how to do it.

To my knowledge, I was the first guy really to do what I do. And then later on different comedians started trying doing it.

I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.

Obviously those who burn to be professional jesters mean that they want to be successful comedians . And those are always an elite, microscopic portion of the population . But oh, how they try.

Comedians are sociologists. We're pointing out stuff that the general public doesn't even stop to think about, looking at life in slow-motion and questioning everything we see.

A lot of people think I'm a comedian.

Republicans just can't help themselves. They get in front of a live microphone and within a few sentences are rocketing down the swiftest and most direct route to the all-you-can-eat comedian-and-talk-show-host buffet.

When I was in New York, I got to see Joan Rivers do an hour of material, and it blew my mind. I don't remember how old she was at the time, but she just had this edgy hour that had so much funny stuff in it, and she was so fearless. If you only watch her on the red carpet, you don't get a sense of what a legendary standup comedian she is.

Comedians by and large are some of the most sensitive people on earth. Even if they're socially callous.

I stand by everything I said. I absolutely can defend my material, and I take issue with people who say, "It's just shock value. It's not even funny." I disagree. There's different ways to be funny and to be a comedian.

There's quite an overlap between musicians - especially drummers - who have an affection and a proclivity towards comedy and comedians who fantasize about being in a band. And a lot of comics play instruments.

I admire Cate Blanchett and Kate Winslet. I like a lot of comedians. I like Cameron Diaz - she's funny and has a very light spirit. That's quite rare nowadays. There are many actresses I admire.

Jesus was a brilliant Jewish stand-up comedian, a phenomenal improviser. His parables are great one-liners.

When you do stuff as a comedian, Hollywood sees you as a comedian and so most of the calls I get are for a funny movie or something like that.

What I say is stupid. Who takes a comedian seriously? I'm doing sophisticated knock-knock jokes.

I think politicians and comedians have a lot in common. One is a group of approval-seeking narcissists who will say and do anything to be liked ... and comedians are always talking about politics.

Ever since I was a kid, I just loved those comedians on TV who would just have fun with the language.

Well, what do you expect? The Comedian is dead.

Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense.

I used to think of myself as a comedian. I've always admired comedians. Their minds, the way in which they se the world is so striking, the way they juxtapose things, the way they can see humor in people. There's a liberation in that.

Its really irritating. Even people who like my work sometimes come up to me and say, I usually dont like female comedians, but your material is great! It makes the job prospect more daunting. Funny is funny, you know?

Some guys said 'Here's bop!' Wham! They said, 'Here's something we can make money on!' Wham! 'Here's a comedian!' Wham! Here's a guy who talks funny talk!'

A lot of the comedians don't even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.

Once or twice I`ve been described as a light comedian. I consider this the most accurate description of my abilities I`ve ever seen.

Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking.

Whoever calls and asks me to do stuff and obviously, with having your own TV show, people want you to get involved. They know you're a stand-up comedian so they're always looking for somebody funny to host an event.

A lot of amazing comedians that I've worked with just really follow their instincts and you can't really teach someone comedic timing. And you just kind of have it.

I’m a ridiculous person. If you take anything any comedian says seriously, then you’re stupid.

I told them I wanted to be a comedian, and they laughed; I became a comedian, no one's laughing now

One of the first things you ever learn as a stand-up is don't show fear.

I never felt like I was stealing anyone's fans as much as I was introducing some younger people to comedy who will eventually find tons of other comedians that they love.

For some comedians it feels so cool to be like: 'I'll say anything, man!'. I'm not quite there yet.

I'm friends with a lot of comedians, but we don't talk about material. Most comedians I know don't watch a lot of other comedy.

I always wanted to be a comedian and actor, [...] I basically stumbled into the music medium, though. I'm OK, but that's about it. I like to think I'm good enough not to negatively affect the performance.

I'm not a politician, I'm a comedian. I know my limitations.

I’m a comedian who got into movies, so I don’t really think of myself as an actor.

Comedy is like a very cokey, druggy sugar. You get hits of comedy, and it's very, "More, give me more of that stuff," because serotonin is being released in the brain. So it's basically, everyone becomes serotonin junkies, and we are serotonin dealers. And that's what being a comedian is about.

If you get too well-known, you can never be a comedian's comedian, it just won't sit well. But I'm fine with that. I'm fine with that label.

When I was seven, I said, "I want to act." When I was 10, I realized that films exist, and I wanted to be in them. Not a comedian, I wanted to be a dramatic actor. Films just seemed such fun, and like such a great thing to do.

Ricky Gervais would have you believe otherwise, but Sacha Baron Cohen is the most successful British comedian in the world.

There's something about being a comedian that means you have to not be scared of failing because failing is part of the process.

The comedians all finished their acts with a song. They would get a certain amount of money from the song publishers and would use that money to pay the writers. None of them paid very much for their comedy material, but it all added up.

You get to a certain point, especially if you're a comedian, where people think certain things. It's like, I don't take the time to explain it to people, it's just part of what I do.

I don't have credibility, I'm a comedian.

A comic says funny things. A comedian says things funny.

I was trained classically, and that's something that I want to do, but I do want to say that right now it's a good market for female comedians, and I want to explore that right now. I really do want to do dramas and meatier roles, especially film.

I'm perfectly happy to have the reputation as a comedian. I love comedies, I would love to be doing more comedies. But I also feel like I hit the limit on playing the girlfriend type in a lot of rom-coms that aren't actually rom-coms, but guy movies that happen to have girls in them.

I am a comedian but it's usually not a compliment to be called a prop comedian but I guess I sometimes use props. And I always confuse humorist with comedian. That's strange.

I would like a ship for the hips, please. Ships and hips. Hipsters to stir with their hips on the hip ships. And, of course, hips. Yeah, hip. That's me. I also like sips. I'm a slow drinker. A sipster. I'm a sipster hipster comedian. Yeah, sips. But more hips. Hip, hipster, hip star, hiptard. Definitely.

It's annoying when people do that so-called comedians impression of me when it's stupid nonsense.

I love music. I've always wanted to do music, even when I started out as a comedian.

I am a comedian and you guys know whatever I say, I don't mean any of it.

I don't think a comedian should even be concerned with being cool or sexy, as soon as you do, you aren't a comedian any more. Looks are still the most important thing for women when it comes to meeting a partner. And that's fair enough, but a sense of humour is really important too. For starters, it's a great indicator of whether you are going to get on. If the first time you go on a date you don't find each other funny, there's a fundamental problem.

Funny bones, to me, are more important than funny lines. If a comedian is just not likable and doing the lines, you could read them yourself. Whereas if someone [you like] shambles out, and they tell you what a bad day they've had, they don't have to say anything. I love them. I want to hug them because they've been through something. And it comes back to empathy, always empathy.

Reggie Watts is a most unusual talent: a huge vocal range, a natural musicality, and a sidesplitting wit. Is he a comedian? A singer? A performance artist? I've seen him a few times since then and I still can't decide. Whatever, he ain't like nobody else.

I love doing it [hosting the Oscars] because I love the danger of it and you have to come through and think on your feet. That's why that show, no matter who hosts it, it really should be a fast-thinking comedian who is really quick on their feet that can handle situations that happen, or somebody with that kind of mentality that can capitalize on something.

He was so good at everything he did. You can't call Ronnie Barker a comedian. He was an actor, and a great writer.

I wasn't expecting to really draw in respected comedians but it's going to happen along the way and I'm truly honored by that.

The only way I'd want to do something in television would be if it was about how I think as a comedian. I'd need to be able to be a creator. That's what I enjoy - I enjoy coming up with comedy, so it'd be very difficult for me to be sitting in a room and have somebody come in and say, "Here's your script! Learn these lines!" That's not fun. At least not for me.

Every comedian works differently. Some comedians might do just observational stuff and they don't do anything personal, and other people.. everything they do is personal and they don't do any observational stuff at all. There's no right or wrong, it's just that everybody picks their own approach.

I wanted to do the comic strip. I tried to get it syndicated, and I sent some examples to a syndication company, and they sent me a rejection letter! I wasn't smart enough at the time to realize you shouldn't let rejection letters stop you. I thought that rejection letter meant I was not allowed to be a cartoonist in this world, so I put the rejection letter down and said, well, I'll be a stand-up comedian.

Many comedians consider themselves to be cutting edge. But why do we have to use the knife for the analogy. Let's use the spoon. I like to consider myself the big bowl-like area of the spoon that holds all the stuff you like.

I'm honored that other comedians like what I do. That means the world to me. But at the same time when I'm on stage I'm not just trying to make the comedians laugh - I'm also trying to make the audience laugh. I want to make everybody laugh.

Freedom of speech does not mean that you have to agree with everything that a comedian says, but that comedian should have the freedom to be able to try to make that funny. It's the attempt that I'm trying to defend so hard, no necessarily the execution.

I'm in awe of comedians that do things that I can't do, whether it be a one-liner comic like Anthony Jeselnik, whether it be social issues commentary, whether it be - hell, Carrot Top. I can't be Carrot Top. I can't.

When a soldier of the night's watch dies they say, "And now his watch is over." That's what they say when a comedian dies. They go, "And now his tour is done."

I don't know why you'd go to a comedian and say, "You know what? You have a large menu of items, but this one thing I did not like and therefore, you should be shut down. You should cease to make a living and you should be thrown out in the streets."

It's very confusing to me why people take comedians so seriously.

Comedian makes the statement that just isn't true.

I don't get all the anger that is thrown at comedians.

There is no more terrible fate for a comedian than to be taken seriously.

I think a lot of people think that we [comedians] are nerveless people in the theatre, that we don't feel that kind of terror which traditionally anyone who has to do any public speaking feels. It's worse for actors, because our livelihood depends on it.

I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!'

I'm not a natural comedian, as an artist. I studied comedy growing up. I would watch Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence, all day.

Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on.

I talk about stuff like my Blackberry, Lost, the internet, music, etc. so I guess that leads to the "nerd" moniker. But I don't get it that much to be honest. I guess its better than being labeled a "racist" comedian.

What really got my goat at MGM were comedians like The Marx Brothers who never wrote their own jokes.

A comedian does funny things. A good comedian does things funny.

Even though I do a more traditional type of being funny on television, I still know a lot of comedians and stand-ups and improv actors.

When I told my friends I was going to be a comedian, they laughed at me.

I always think everyone else is funnier than me. I look at other comedians and I say, 'I wish I was that good.' People think I'm funny, and I say, 'I'm not.'

When I was younger I always thought, 'If I were ever a comedian I'd make it like a rock concert.' I wanted to generate that type of enthusiasm and excitement.

Well, a lot of politics is communicating with people, and obviously comedy has something to do with that. I've been a producer and led people. Also, being a comedian, you're under pressure.

Being a comedian, you're under pressure. You have to deal with stress and pressure to perform - to deal with pressure without stress.

When I was a kid, I loved all the silent comedians - Buster Keaton, Laurel and Hardy, Chaplin. And I used to imitate them. I'd go to see a Buster Keaton movie and come home and try things out I'd seen. I learned to do pratfalls when I was very young.

Ive been a stand-up comedian for years, and I can be silly.

When you deal with a comedian who has a specific act, you can't hold 'em back. You got to work with 'em, dude. What you think, I'm just gonna do what's on the page, say 'yes sir, no sir'? I'm creatively beyond that.

I was surprised how deeply that affected us. Every comedian will say Johnny was just the biggest influence on their life.

I would be so mad if I saw something called a memoir, and then it was Mike Birbiglia. It would be so infuriating. It's like, 'Who is this guy, and why does he have a memoir?' David Letterman could write a memoir. Joan Rivers could. I'm just a nobody. I'm a comedian and a writer.

I'm always trying to find the next comedian that just gives me something a little funny to combine with all of the depressing news that I'm processing.

Whatever comedian says he doesn't read comments, I never believe him, because we all have the same pathological problem to see what people think of us, and it sucks, because you try not to take it personally, and people are monsters and idiots.

A lot of comedians, when they have a bad gig, will blame everything but themselves. They'll blame the crowd, or the room was wrong, it had a weird vibe, or the promoter promoted a weird atmosphere.

I didn't really want to be a comedian.

Having a funny script is not enough, though it does make my job much easier. Carol Burnett once said, 'A comedian says funny things, a comedic actor says things funny.' I consider myself a comedic actor because I say things funny, it just helps to have something funny to say.

I think every fat comedian owes him 80 bucks that's working today.

My perception is that Jerry was a stand-up comedian for years and years,

Matt is the comedian on the team. He's just a loveable guy. He's easy-going, and you can always talk to him.

I was in a band at the time, and I wanted to do that. I guess it took me some time to figure out that I was a better comedian than I was a drummer.

John was the smartest and most amazing comedian I've ever worked with. I think more than teaching me about acting or comedy, he taught me about life and the love of people and respect of people.