Doug Stanhope Art Quotations

A real cop fights real crime. A vice cop's only job is to ruin the party.

I recommend to you, in my last, an innocent piece of art: that of flattering people behind their backs, in presence of those who, to make their own court, much more than for your sake, will not fail to repeat, and even amplify, the praise to the party concerned. This is of all flattery the most pleasing, and consequently the most effectual.

I think it's probably much easier to do political comedy from a two-party point of view, in that the majority have some sense of what it means to be one or the other.

I'm forty four; I'm way closer to dead than I am life of the party.

I drink every night. But I don't hang out and party. Not that I'm selling out Madison Square Garden, but in the old days after a show you could hang out with a few people. But now you're hanging around with 20 people, all of whom don't know each other, and they're all, "Leave my outgoing greeting on my voice mail, man, come on!"

Artists who say that they're artists: usually people who need a job.

People who want to kill other people are the last people I want to party with, because I get mouthy when I drink.