Jerry Seinfeld People Quotations

When you're in comedy, people always come up and say, 'Oh, it must be so hard.' It really isn't hard unless you're not good at it. If you can do it, its really kind of fun and easy.

I don't want to be too critical of what other people do, but when people go back to do the same thing that they did, I'm completely confused. I'm like, 'Didn't you make that movie already?' I've been very fortunate, and I'm well taken care of, so the least I can do is try to go forward.

There are very few people who really appreciate my shows. People come to the show and they pay and they enjoy it, but I don't really think most people really understand what they've seen.

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.

I'll tell you one thing, since I'm married, single people look absolutely ridiculous to me.

Forty is when you actually begin even deserving to be on stage telling people what you think.

I kind of thought that stand-up comedy would suffer from the Internet because people seem to know more about the craft of stand-up than ever before. I thought it would seem trite. Kind of like if you know more about magicians, you wouldn't love them.

I do a little thing about the way people shake the sweetener packet. You know, like they're all excited. I want to get all the granules down to one end. I love all these rituals.

I've done a number of Super Bowl ads. And that is the best advertising of the year. That is when people realize they're going to be compared directly against other ads.

I can walk through a hotel lobby and watch people at the desk and see what they're doing. People don't look at me. They don't even know I'm there.

For people on my side of the cubicle, the goal is always creativity. Spending your time overcoming corporate resistance to creativity - I just don't want to do that.

The only way a show works is you find people who you think are qualified and talented and you give them a chance to do what they do.

Sometimes you can do certain things on stage, or even in a TV series, and people see the look on your face and they know what you mean, so you can get away with certain things. But if you can't create that look on an animated character, which is essentially a puppet, the line will hit the audience in a very bad way.

People should get married because they have finally seen the folly of being single: "Oh, this is all just kind of a bad magic trick. I just keep bending over to reach for this wallet on a string. How much longer am I gonna do that?"

Dogs want to be people. That's what their lives are about. They don't like being a dog. They're with people all the time, they want to graduate. My dog would sit there all day, he would watch me walk by, he would think to himself, "I could do that! He's not that good.

A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.

When you interrupt, you've stopped listening. People need to be heard.

All I ever wanted to do is make people laugh.

If people would only *Look to the Cookie* - all our problems would be solved

[I like to] engage with funny people, or weird people, or, you know, kind of off people. [Whereas when I meet] anybody who's ... normal ... I'm not curious, I'm not interested.

Elaine: Ugh, I hate people. Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst.

Cremation has become the most popular form of burial in the United States... People used to want a big, thick granite stone, their names carved into with a chisel. I was here dammit! Cremation is like you're trying to cover up a crime. Burn the body. Scatter the ashes around. As far as anyone's concerned this whole thing never happened.

The luge is the only Olympic event where you could have people competing in it against their will, and it would look exactly the same. Take people off the street, Hey, hey, hey, what is this?! I don't wanna be in the luge! Once you put that helmet on them, You're in the luge, buddy! aaaAAAaaaAAAaaaAAA...aaaAAAAA... World record. Didn't even wanna do it. I'd like to see that next Olympics, the Involuntary Luge.

I love meeting Israeli people. They look at me like a son

Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later; it's a relic,

People don't just bump into each other and have sex. This isn't Cinemax.

People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them.

People on dates shouldn't even be allowed out in public.

I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people: they're hanging in there with the chop sticks, aren't they? You know they've seen the fork. They're staying with the sticks.

See, the thing of it is, there's a lot of ugly people out there walking around but they don't know they're ugly because nobody actually tells them.

There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world.

You know what I never get with the limo? The tinted windows. Is that so people don't see you? Yeah, what a better way not to have people notice you than taking a thirty foot Cadillac with a TV antenna and a uniformed driver. How discreet. Nobody cares who's in the limo. You see a limo go by, you know it's either some rich jerk or fifty prom kids with $1.75 each.

Everybody lies about sex. People lie during sex. If it weren't for lies, there'd be no sex.

I've compiled a book from the Internet. It's a book of quotations attributed to the wrong people.

I wonder is illiterate people know the full meaning of alphabet soup?

Twitter is good. Why say a lot to a few people when you can say virtually nothing to everyone?

There is no such thing as an attention span. There is only the quality of what you are viewing. This whole idea of an attention span is, I think, a misnomer. People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them.

I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?

There are more social skills required to talk one-on-one [than to an audience]. You don't have to be socially fluid to talk to two thousand people.

I'm in the unfortunate position of having to consider other people's feelings