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When I was one day old, I learned how to read. When I was two days old, I started to write. By the time I was three, I had finished 212 short stories, 38 novels, 730 poems, and one very funny limerick, all before breakfast. Jon Scieszka
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When I was in New York, I got to see Joan Rivers do an hour of material, and it blew my mind. I don't remember how old she was at the time, but she just had this edgy hour that had so much funny stuff in it, and she was so fearless. If you only watch her on the red carpet, you don't get a sense of what a legendary standup comedian she is. Chelsea Peretti
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When I was in improv workshops or doing stand-up or writing comedy with others, or just doing comedy, I just laughed. Funny was funny; I loved to laugh. I always liked people I found generally funny. Michael Keaton
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When I was in high school, there was 'Superbad' and 'The Girl Next Door' and 'Wedding Crashers' and all these great movies. You hope to be a part of something that's smart, funny and in that Todd Phillips-vein. You want to make something like 'Superbad.' That movie was so good and so funny. Miles Teller
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When I was in high school, I was a bad singer. I mean, all my early acting was musical theater, and my first ever show was 'Jesus Christ Superstar.' Everyone's familiar with it. I played priest number 3 and sang so out of tune that it's not even funny. Sam Claflin
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When I was a kid I had this funny blond hair and everyone called me 'Chick' because I looked like Tweety Bird. Nicky Hilton
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When I was a child, I always wanted to be funny and to please people in my family. As you grow up that instinct becomes more refined, but it's still there. Romola Garai
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When I appear in public, people expect me to neigh, grind my teeth, paw the ground and swish my tail - none of which is easy. Princess Anne
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Golf seems to me an arduous way to go for a walk. I prefer to take the dogs out.
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The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets. Al McGuire
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Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish Chevy Chase
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You've reached Fantasia, where the undead live again every night," "For bar hours, press one. To make a party reservation, press two. To talk to alive person or a dead vampire, press three. Or, if you were intending to leave a humorous prank message on our answering machine, know this: we will find you. Charlaine Harris
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Try not to have a good time... this is supposed to be educational. Charles M. Schulz
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I drew pictures for and about the soldiers because I knew what their life was like and understood their gripes. I wanted to make something out of the humorous situations which come up even when you don't think life could be any more miserable. Bill Mauldin
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Thou slave, thou wretch, thou coward! Thou little valiant, great in villainy! Thou ever strong upon the stronger side! Thou Fortune's champion, that dost never fight But where her humorous ladyship is by To teach thee safety. William Shakespeare
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Asking politicians to give up a source of money is like asking Dracula to forsake blood. Cal Thomas
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Defy your own group. Rebel against yourself. Cathy Guisewite
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Okay everybody, line up in alphabetical order according to your height. Casey Stengel
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We've always maintained that the whole premise of her candidacy has been silly. Ms. McFarland is not a serious candidate and once again she's proved it. Christian Winthrop
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We've always dreamt of a TV series and working in film. When we first sat down to seriously write 'A Little Nightmare Music,' to write something for TV was our original inspiration. But all the stuff we were writing down is not going to work on stage. We had to rewrite it so it would work on the stage. Aleksey Igudesman
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Tom said people in our country should not live like this. We filed law suits in Dona Ana County and it worked for two reasons. The developers knew they would be held accountable and there was some serious reform of the New Mexico Subdivision Act.
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We respectfully object to the committee's broad request for all information concerning all persons who have contributed or pledged more than $5,000 to the foundation. There are serious and substantial legal, precedential and public policy issues raised by this catch-all request.
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We respect and defend the right of the Church to address questions of values, but it is very serious to receive only one of the candidates for prime minister just ahead of the ballot.
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We respect and appreciate the bipartisan agreement established by this Senate, ... We intend to use the time we have been provided to present a compelling case on the serious charges pending against the President. Henry Hyde
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We're going to take the president's submission as a serious proposal, and we're going to see where we can go and how we can work with the White House and the Democrats,
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What we're seeing now with eBay is an end to the monopoly. The company faces a serious challenge over the next 10 years. Andrew Hargadon
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We would seriously question the judgment of any board member or administrator who would have this community believe that they can simply fire the current employees and contract with an outside company to bring in strangers to work in our schools, and still provide the same degree of quality, safety and service that our current custodians and head custodians provide.