Bill Bailey
Bill Bailey
Mark Robert "Bill" Baileyis an English comedian, musician, actor, TV and radio presenter and author. Bailey is well known for his role in Black Books and for his appearances on Never Mind the Buzzcocks, Have I Got News for You, and QI as well as his extensive stand-up work...
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth13 January 1965
CityBath, England
count counting doomsday last million scenario
At the last count -- and we're still counting -- there were 3.2 million claims. We're approaching the doomsday scenario we described 5 years ago.
funny dream country
Not so great in England at the moment; in an online poll we came last, we actually came bottom of European countries for quality of life, because of things like the weather, obviously, late retirement, poor holiday, poor public services, poor health service; it's basically just a kind of grey, godless wilderness, full of cold pies and broken dreams.
funny running country
I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people's doors and running away. God that was a good game.
funny country humor
But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like "Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!"
aware certainly customers flood turn
We certainly make our customers aware of flood insurance, but so many turn it down.
building codes enforce stronger
We need to have stronger zoning codes and building codes, and we need to enforce them.
check paying
If we're going to be paying this much, we better check to see if our premiums are adequate.
damages insurance looking numbers sustain wondering
We've been looking at the numbers and wondering just how long we can sustain the kind of insured damages we've been getting. If insurance is not affordable, it's really not available.
contain existing
We wouldn't need a new facility. We would just have to find an existing one that could contain it.
says walk
Two solipsists walk into a bar, and one says to the other...
fashion marijuana clubs
Marijuana? It's harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it
stupid commitment numbers
Joke number 1, I have a bit of a problem with jokes, bit of a handicap for a comedian obviously, um, I tend to bail out of the joke, I lose commitment in it, I'll give you an example: Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
long beard harps
What I'd like to do now - well, what I'd like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.
funny humor three
Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are all unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.