Bill Bailey
Bill Bailey
Mark Robert "Bill" Baileyis an English comedian, musician, actor, TV and radio presenter and author. Bailey is well known for his role in Black Books and for his appearances on Never Mind the Buzzcocks, Have I Got News for You, and QI as well as his extensive stand-up work...
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth13 January 1965
CityBath, England
damages insurance looking numbers sustain wondering
We've been looking at the numbers and wondering just how long we can sustain the kind of insured damages we've been getting. If insurance is not affordable, it's really not available.
stupid commitment numbers
Joke number 1, I have a bit of a problem with jokes, bit of a handicap for a comedian obviously, um, I tend to bail out of the joke, I lose commitment in it, I'll give you an example: Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
aware certainly customers flood turn
We certainly make our customers aware of flood insurance, but so many turn it down.
count counting doomsday last million scenario
At the last count -- and we're still counting -- there were 3.2 million claims. We're approaching the doomsday scenario we described 5 years ago.
building codes enforce stronger
We need to have stronger zoning codes and building codes, and we need to enforce them.
check paying
If we're going to be paying this much, we better check to see if our premiums are adequate.
contain existing
We wouldn't need a new facility. We would just have to find an existing one that could contain it.
says walk
Two solipsists walk into a bar, and one says to the other...
fashion marijuana clubs
Marijuana? It's harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it
long beard harps
What I'd like to do now - well, what I'd like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.
funny humor three
Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are all unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.
animal beard stills
It's not a beard, it's an animal I've trained to sit very still
funny alive comedy
The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die.
funny self rocks
American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.