Bill Watterson Quotations

Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend.

The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.

Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.

The world of a comic strip ought to be a special place with its own logic and life... I don't want the issue of Hobbes's reality settled by a doll manufacturer.

Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different.

God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that I will never die.

It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept.

We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled. Sooner or later, we are all asked to compromise ourselves and the things we care about. We define ourselves by our actions. With each decision, we tell ourselves and the world who we are. Think about what you want out of this life, and recognize that there are many kinds of success.

Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around.

From now on, I'll connect the dots my own way.

Shutting off the thought process is not rejuvenating; the mind is like a car battery - it recharges by running.

If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I'll bet they'd live a lot differently.

The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!

Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?

It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool.

Letting your mind play is the best way to solve problems.

If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life.

Genius is never understood in its own time.

I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play together all night.

Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.

I know the world isn't fair, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?

We don't devote enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

Often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. Then suddenly we wake up and see all the mistakes we have made.

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.

I won't eat any cereal that doesn't turn the milk purple.

I liked things better when I didn't understand them.

If your knees aren't green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life.

I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep everyone's expectations.

There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do.

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.

If I had rolled along with the strip's popularity and repeated myself for another five, 10 or 20 years, the people now 'grieving' for 'Calvin and Hobbes' would be wishing me dead.

When birds burp, it must taste like bugs.

I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.

I thought my life would seem more interesting with a musical score and a laugh track.

It's surprising how hard we'll work when the work is done just for ourselves.

So, what's it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond that, I don't recommend it.

It's always better to leave the party early.

A real job is a job you hate.

That's the whole problem with science. You've got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder.

I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life...procrastinating and rationalizing.

I've got plenty of common sense! I just choose to ignore it.

Is it truly being good if the only reason I behave well is so I can get more loot at Christmas? I mean, really, all I'm doing is saying I can be bribed.

Few things are less comforting than a tiger who's up too late.

I let my mind wander and it didn't come back.

Calvin: Trick or Treat! Adult: Where's your costume? What are you supposed to be? Calvin: I'm yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Madison Avenue and Hollywood, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you're old and weak! ...Boy, am I scary or what?

MOMMMM, I'm thirsty... What's this, just water?

I suppose if we couldn't laugh at things that don't make sense, we couldn't react to a lot of life.

Instead of asking what's wrong with rampant consumerism, we ought to be asking, 'What justifies it?' Popular art does not have to pander to the lowest level of intelligence and taste.

For me, it's been liberating to put myself in the mind of a fictitious six year-old each day, and rediscover my own curiosity. I've been amazed at how one idea leads to others if I allow my mind to play and wander.

Verbing weirds language.

No sport is less organized than Calvinball.

Dad: Honey, have you seen my glasses? I can"t find them. Mom: I haven't seen them. Calvin: (with glasses, to Dad) Calvin, go do something you hate! Being miserable builds character!

I learned about what I love. Imagination, deep friendship, animals, family, the natural world, ideas and ideals ... and silliness.

The only permanent rule in Calvinball is that you can never play it the same way twice! (Calvin)

Hey Susie Derkins, is that your face, or is a 'possum stuck in your collar?

You can make your superhero a psychopath, you can draw gut-splattering violence, and you can call it a "graphic novel," but comic books are still incredibly stupid.

Never argue with a six-year-old who shaves.

I don't think I'd have been in such a hurry to reach adulthood if I'd known the whole thing was going to be ad-libbed.

People always make the mistake of thinking art is created for them. But really, art is a private language for sophisticates to congratulate themselves on their superiority to the rest of the world. As my artist’s statement explains, my work is utterly incomprehensible and is therefore full of deep significance.

Scientific Progress goes boink?

Calvin: I'm a genius. I can't believe how smart I am. ...I've got more brains than I know what to do with. Hobbes: So I've noticed.

Problems often look overwhelming at first. The secret is to break problems into small, manageable chunks. If you deal with those, you're done before you know it.

Calvin the zombie searches for food. Horribly, the undead feed upon the living! ...Although, in a pinch, a PBJ will do, if you eat it messily enough.

Calvin: Somewhere in Communist Russia I'll bet there's a little boy who has never known anything but censorship and oppression. But maybe he's heard of America, and he dreams of living in this land of freedom and opportunity! Someday, I'd like to meet that little boy...and tell him the awful TRUTH ABOUT THIS PLACE!! Calvin's Dad: Calvin, be quiet and eat the stupid lima beans.

Barney's Dad was really bad so Barney hatched a plan when his dad said "Eat your peas." Barney shouted no and ran Barney tricked his mean old dad and locked him in the cellar Barney's Mom never found out where he'd gone, Cause Barney didn't tell her. There his dad spent his life eating mice and gruel With every bite for fifty years he was sorry he'd been cruel

Of course, REAL zombies never get the giggles when they look at each other...

Hobbes: What are you doing? Calvin: Being "cool." Hobbes: You look more like you're being bored. Calvin: The world bores you when you're cool. Hobbes: Look, I brought a sombrero! Now we can both be "cool." Calvin: A sombrero?! Are you crazy?! Cool people don't wear sombreros! Hobbes: What fun is it being cool if you can't wear a sombrero?

Once it's too late, you appreciate what a miracle life is.

Van Gogh would’ve sold more than one painting if he’d put tigers in them.

If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.

S...For Stupendous! T...For Tiger, ferocity of! U...For Underwear, Red! P...For Power, Incredible! E...For excellent physique! N...For...Um...Something..Hm, well, I'll come back to that... D...For Determination! U...For...Wait, How do you spell this? Is it "I"??

As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You’ve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.

Calvin: Dear Santa, before I submit life to your scrutiny, I demand to know who made YOU the matter of my fate?! Who are YOU to question my behavior, HUH??? What gives you the right?! Hobbes: Santa makes the toys, so he gets to decide who to give them to. Calvin: Oh.

A day can really slip by when you're deliberately avoiding what you're supposed to do.

I'm a man of few words." "If you read more, you might have a larger vocabulary.

Virtual reality has nothing on Calvin.

The way Calvin's brain is wired you can almost hear the fuses blowing.

I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin

Blustery cold days should be spend propped up in bed with a mug of hot chocolate and a pile of comic books.

Even when you look for it, you're never prepared for it.

So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met?

The secret to happiness is short-term, stupid self-interest!

It's not the medium, but the quality of perception and expression, that determines the significance of art.

People pay more attention when they think you’re up to something.

As a kid, I knew I wanted to be either a cartoonist or an astronaut. The latter was never much of a possibility, as I don't even like riding in elevators.

Having an enviable career is one thing. Being a happy person is another

I keep forgetting that rules are only for little nice people.

I think most of us would be horrified to meet ourselves and discover what everyone else already knows about us.

I'm a misunderstood genius.

Buttons ... check. Dials ... check. Switches ... check. Little colored lights ... check.

My whole problem is that my lips move when I think.

Calvin:"It says here that 'religion is the opiate of the masses.'...what do you suppose that means?" Television: "...it means that Karl Marx hadn't seen anything yet

Sometimes what holds you together and what tears you apart are the same things. My lungs are made of armor so that I can breathe when you are not here. 6.8 million people live alone in England. Do you feel lonely? I don't have the courage to face reality so I get lost in my dreams. You know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different.

When the cartoonist is trying to talk honestly and seriously about life, then I believe he has a responsibility to think beyond satisfying the market's every whim and desire.

There's more to this world than just people, you know.

You know, there are times when it's a source of personal pride to not be human.

Paul Gauguin asked, "whence do we come? What are we? Where are we going?" Well, I don't know about anyone else, but I came from my room, I'm a kid with big plans, and I'm going outside! See ya later! Say, who the heck is Paul Gauguin anyway?