Oscar Levant Quotations

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

I've given up reading books. I find it takes my mind off myself.

Harpo, she's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds one.

Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.

The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.

I'm a study of a man in chaos in search of frenzy.

There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

Once I make up my mind, I'm full of indecision.

Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left.

Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.

Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you'll find the real tinsel underneath.

I have no trouble with y enemies. But my god damn friends... they are the ones that keep me walking the floors at night.

A politician is a man who will double cross that bridge when he comes to it.

I think a lot of Bernstein - but not as much as he does.

Behind the phony tinsel of Hollywood lies the real tinsel.

I envy people who drink - at least they know what to blame everything on.

I am no more humble than my talents require.

So little time and so little to do.

I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.

There are two sides to every question: my side and the wrong side.

I don't drink. I don't like it. It makes me feel good.

I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.

Once Dwight Eisenhower makes up his mind, he's full of indecision.

Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you will find the real tinsel underneath.

An epigrams is a gag that's played Carnegie Hall

A pun is the lowest form of humor - when you don't think of it first

Its not what your are, its what you dont become that hurts.

It's not what you are, but what you don't become that hurts

My last picture for Warners was Romance on the High Seas. It was Doris Day's first picture; that was before she became a virgin.

I don't like to play the piano. It makes me too attractive.

Self-pity - it's the only pity that counts.

I played an unsympathetic part -- myself.

Talent's like a baby. Wrap it up in wool and it goes to sleep.

I could never have a mistress, because I couldn't bear to tell the story of my life all over again.

When I appeared before the draft board examiner during World War II, he asked me if I thought I could kill. "I don't know about strangers," I replied, "but friends, certainly."

When I can't sleep, I read a book by Steve Allen.

My psychiatrist once said to me, 'Maybe life isn't for everyone'.

In some situations I was difficult, in odd moments impossible, in rare moments loathsome, but at my best unapproachably great.

A pun is the lowest form of humor—when you don't think of it first.

Once he makes up his mind, he's full of indecision. - On Dwight D. Eisenhower

It's not what you are, it's what you don't become that hurts.

An epigram is only a wisecrack that's played at Carnegie Hall.

Marriage is a triumph of habit over hate.

George, if you had to do it all over, would you fall in love with yourself again?

[Madame Nhu was] the Sandra Dee of South Vietnam. If I were cast on a desert island with her, I would quickly make friends with the natives.

I'm a self-made man. Who else would help?

I never read bad reviews about myself, because my friends invariably tell me about them.

Ballet is the fairies baseball.

Debbie Reynolds is as wistful as an iron foundry.

I never watch the Dinah Shore show- I'm a diabetic.

I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing the other patients.

It'd be nice to please everyone but I thought it would be more interesting to have a point of view.

I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.

You can't possibly hear the last movement of Beethoven's Seventh and go slow. (Oscar trying to talk his way out of a speeding ticket)

Now that Marilyn Monroe is kosher, Arthur Miller can eat her.

I'm controversial. My friends either dislike me or hate me

When I was young I looked like Al Capone, but I lacked his compassion.

Schizophrenia beats dining alone.

I'm a concert pianist, that's a pretentious way of saying I'm unemployed at the moment.

I'm going to memorize your name and throw my head away.

A conductor should reconcile himself to the realization that regardless of his approach or temperament the eventual result is the same-the orchestra will hate him.