Dane Cook Thinking Quotations

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

I think that people who do enjoy my stand-up comedy and the people who get it and the people who are taken in by it, they see that I'm a guy that has love of the game.

No one wants to drown. Drowning would be the worst. Cause everyone knows that feeling. That feeling, oh it's the worst... when you think you're drowning.

When a guy says "I have no idea what you're talking about" it means "I'm thinking of exactly what you're saying I did while I lie to you."

I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny.

If you're drunk please don't drive. If you're on shrooms please don't think Walmart's a prison for bad clothing that needs help escaping.

When somebody says I wouldn't change a thing they're thinking of something they would change.

When I'm wrong I'm like the Emperor on the Death Star thinking he'll turn Luke. Yet, when I'm right I'm a Jedi like my father before me.

Sometimes girls act all TNT Network because they know drama. That's when guys get all TBS around you because we think it's very funny.

I do think I am funny, or I wouldn't be where I am today. I do think there is always room for improvement and learning.

How do you fall into a lion's den, that is my first question there, you think you would be extra carefull around a den of lions.

If my voice can resonate that way with kids, maybe it will resonate through 'Planes' as well, and they'll hear that little something that I'm giving to them, a performance that says to them, "I want to try." It's all interconnected. I don't think it's thinking too deeply about it.

Because of what I experienced when I was a kid, I want kids to have that kind of an epiphany moment, that little jolt, that little spark that they see when Dusty ['Planes'] flies higher than he has before. That scene where he flies straight up, and he's starting to get dizzy, and then finally it comes together. We forget as adults. We get jaded and we think that's kids' stuff, but for a kid who doesn't know about anything technical or how a movie is made, they're just going to see this and hear this beautiful score and see this dynamic, fantastical thing happening in front of them.

I feel like people who don't brag are trying to make you jealous by thinking they're hiding something more even exciting.

After you have loss in your life and after you experience something like losing your parents, the greatest gift of that was it prepared me for [anything]. Nothing else is as scary, and certainly stand-up comedy is not as scary as sitting there with your mom and having to have last conversations and things like that. It's heavy stuff, but it's enlightening because it makes me think I shouldn't be afraid of sharing ideas and thoughts with people. It's the yin and the yang of life.

It's the worst feeling when you come home alone late at night and think the stranger sitting on your couch is a pile of clothes.

My advice is: to try and stay really true to the things that make YOU laugh, as opposed to trying to create a character that you think is funny. Some comedians get into bad habits when they are trying to create something that is not them, and they are trying to write a voice that isn't their true voice.

I don't like littering and I think it leads to terrorist activities.

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.