Jeff Foxworthy Kids Quotations

My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.

People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.

You might be a redneck if you keep a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach your kids in the back seat of the car.

You might be a redneck if you were shooting pool when your kids were born.

You might be a redneck if Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.

You might be a redneck if you watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.

You might be a redneck if your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps.

Nowadays you can't even spank your kids. No, gotta give 'em a time out. My dad would take time out of his busy day... to whip our ass.

I think for one thing, kids are a lot smarter now then we ever were.

You might be a redneck if your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.

When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.'

Kids aren't suppose to have cancer, they're suppose to have a future.