Joe Rogan Way Quotations

The only time I commit to conspiracy theories is when something way retarded happens. Like Lee Harvey Oswald acting alone.

I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm not going to go out of my way.

Reality really is theater. There's no other way to describe it. It's all so nonsensical, ridiculous and chaotic.

My act is so completely and totally uncensored that the only way I could really pull it off is if I treat the audience like they're my best friends.

I always try to look at conflicts from as many different angles as is humanly possible, and in a lot of ways there is no one answer.