A man is only as good as what he loves.
Love doesn't grow on trees like apples in Eden - it's something you have to make. And you must use your imagination too....
One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again.
Romance is dead - it was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.
Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.
The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead.
You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap!
Most people are slow to champion love because they fear the transformation it brings into their lives. And make no mistake about it: love does take over and transform the schemes and operations of our egos in a very mighty way.
I wish Adam had died with all his ribs in his body.
Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th.
Valentine's day has gotten blown way out of proportion. Valentine's Day just used to be for your girlfriend or your wife but now everyone's like 'Oh, happy valentine's day!' I even got a Valentine's Day card from my grandmother. How ridiculous is that? We stopped having sex years ago!
I have a dream, and a plan, to combine the commercial possibilities of Valentine's Day with the substance and meaning of black history month. I call it: Blackentine's Day.
I love Valentine's Day. When you're a kid everyone gets a Valentine. It's like 'TO TIM, NICE PANTS, LOVE SCOTT'. It's Valentines galore!
Basement smells bad. Look for cat poops, change litter.
The bravest thing that men do is love women.
The jewelry stores say, 'Tell your wife you love her with a diamond,' while wives tell you they love you with, 'Ok, but just because it's Valentine's Day.'
Oh here's an idea: let's make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine's Day. That's not weird at all.
Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably alone. Valentine's Day is often times a, well, it's a manufactured day that really doesn't mean anything.
Valentine's Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don't have a special someone, you're alone.
No matter how lovesick a woman is, she shouldn't take the first pill that comes along.
Today, folks, should be all about love. Unless you're old.
Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, but not for love.
A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses.