Kin Hubbard Quotations | Page 2

You won't skid if you stay in a rut.

The only time some fellows are seen with their wives is after they're indicted.

Who remembers when we used to rest on Sunday instead of Monday?

Never tell the box-office man that you can't hear well or he will sell you a seat where can can't see either.

There's another advantage to being poor - a doctor will cure you faster.

Most parents don't worry about a daughter until she fails to show up for breakfast.

A loafer always has the correct time.

Knowin' all about baseball is just about as profitable as bein' a good whittler.

Getting talked about is one of the penalties.

Intelligent people are always on the unpopular side of anything.

The longer it takes you to select a cantaloupe, the worse it is!

Of all the unbearable nuisances, the ignoramus that has traveled is the worst.

One of the simple but genuine pleasures in life is getting up in the morning and hurrying to a mousetrap you set the night before.

Ther's still a few honest folks left but they never seem t' find anything you lose.

If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy.

Fashion: a barricade behind which men hide their nothingness.

Hon Editor Cale Fluhart was a power politically fer years, but he never got prominent enough t' have his speeches garbled.

I never saw an athletic girl that thought she was strong enough to do indoor work.

If there's any literary ability in a feller, getting fired out of a good government job will bring it out.

If at first you do succeed don't take any more chances.

I'm sorry to inform you that your 50 year warranty has expired on your back, knees, and memory. Luckily your lifetime warranty on your heart is still in effect. Of course, that becomes void and expires when you do.

There ought t'be some way t'eat celery so it wouldn't sound like you wuz steppin' on a basket.

It is no disgrace to be poor, but it might as well be.

I will say this for adversity: people seem to be able to stand it, and that is more than I can say for prosperity.

There isn't much to be seen in a little town, but what you hear makes up for it.

My idea of walking into the jaws of death is marrying some woman who has lost three husbands.

Whoever takes just plain ginger ale soon gets drowned out of the conversation.

Some folks seem to have descended from the chimpanzee much later than others.

The election is not very far off when a candidate can recognize you across the street.

Nobody ever grew despondent looking for trouble.

One of the commonest mistakes is thinking your worries are over when your children get married.

University: ... a place where rich men send their sons who have no aptitude for business.

Only one fellow in ten thousand understands the currency question, and we meet him every day.

Lots of fellows think a home is only good to borrow money on.

About the only thing we have left that actually discriminates in favor of the plain people is the stork.

The reason the way of the transgressor is hard is because it's so crowded.

In spite of all our speeding it's still the style to be late.

Gossip is vice enjoyed vicariously - the sweet, subtle satisfaction without the risk.

There's many a slip twixt the blueprints and a new house.

Beauty is . . . a valuable asset if you're poor or haven't any sense.

Very often the quiet fellow has said all he knows

When a woman says, 'I don't wish to mention any names', it means it ain't necessary to mention any names.

Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, an' it keeps on laughin'.

The hardest thing is writing a recommendation for someone we know.

It don't make no difference what is is, a woman'll buy anything she thinks a store is losin' money on.

Flattery won't hurt you if you don't swallow it.

Nobuddy ever listened t' reason on a empty stomach.

If there's anything mean in a feller, a litter authority will bring it out.

The man who says "I may be wrong, but--" does not believe there can be any such possibility.

I don't know of anything better than a woman if you want to spend money where it will show.

The rich man and his daughter are soon parted.

Look out for the people who allow you to do all the talking.

There is plenty of peace in any home where the family doesn't make the mistake of trying to get together.

A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends.

Another bad thing about "prosperity" is that you can't jingle any money without being under suspicion

Don't say yes until I've finished talking. - Attributed to many Hollywood executives Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.

We like little children, because they tear out as soon as they get what they want.

All I kin git out o' the Wickersham position on prohibition is that the distinguished jurist seems to feel that if we'd let 'em have it the problem o' keepin' 'em from gitten;' it would be greatly simplified

When you consider what a chance women have to poison their husbands, it's a wonder there isn't more of it done

A friend that ain't in need is a friend indeed.

Litigation: A form of hell whereby money is transferred from the pockets of the proletariat to that of lawyers.

Bees are not as busy as we think they are. They jest can't buzz any slower.

I haven't heard of anybody who wants to stop living on account of the cost.

When some fellers decide to retire nobody knows the difference.

Everything comes to him who waits, except a loaned book.

Some folks pay a compliment like they went down in their pocket for it.

"Why doesn't the fellow who says, "I'm no speechmaker," let it go at that instead of giving a demonstration? "

Folks that blurt out just what they think wouldn't be so bad if they thought.

A fellow ought to save a few of the long evenings he spends with his girl till after they're married.

Many a family tree needs trimming

Nothing dispels enthusiasm like a small admission fee.

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.

Plain spoken people get most of the recognition because folks are afraid of them.

Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt.

In order to live off a garden, you practically have to live in it.

A long memory and a long tongue are regular ole cronies