Andy Borowitz People Quotations

If you are friends with the wrong people, Google+ autocorrects them

Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don't really know.

On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations.

Facebook's new relationship status option: "No longer able to interact with actual people"

It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.

I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.

After Sept. 11, I didn't write a piece for a couple of days because I thought people wouldn't want me to be funny. This time, it was so obvious what could be written, and I'll continue to write it. I can usually gauge reader response from the number of people who cancel on my e-mail list, and there's been no major withdrawal.