Andy Borowitz Funny Quotations

The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there.

Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted.

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.

Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.

Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.

Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence.

I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.