Fred Allen Kids Quotations

Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.

I'm a little hoarse tonight. I've been living in Chicago for the past two months, and you know how it is, yelling for help on the way home every night. Things are so tough in Chicago that at Easter time, for bunnies the little kids use porcupines.

I had to come out one more time to take a look. I had a lot of fun and spent a lot of time out here. Our kids grew up out here.