Demetri Martin Looks Quotations

To make a squirrel look less uptight, put tiny sunglasses on it.

Use crazy glue and nails to turn a rocking chair into just a chair that looks like a rocking chair.

I wonder if there were any goths in gothic times. They're like: You look completely appropriate. You don't look stupid or lonely at all.

A human head looks the least scary when it is attached.

Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths.

A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.

Once I started to look i finally began to see.

A pipe is greater than a bong. Because when you're smoking a pipe at least it makes you look like you're thinking about something.

How many of you are creative? I don't know, but for me, when you make a bunch of things over time and then you keep them... you forget. I look through my sketchbooks and I'm an audience for myself.

The chances of someone who looks like Jesus having pot raises steadily, to a point. If the guy is on a cross you may have the wrong guy.

Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.

When a Dalmatian sees a cow he must be like, 'What the hell happened to him? I am high right now. That dalmatian is fat and smeary.' When the cow sees the Dalmatian he must be like, 'He looks amazing. I am so out of shape, this is ridiculous. My tits are on the ground here.

A straw enables you to drink without using your wrist. A straw is your friend - until you lose eye contact with the straw. Then it will betray you and make you look like an idiot.

When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.

Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, "I'm not racist, but..." I say, "I'm not racist, but you look great today." They say, "That wasn't racist at all." I said, "I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican."

History, like wallpaper, repeats itself and can also make a room look old-fashioned.