Demetri Martin Way Quotations

And of course I didn't make any money from stand up for years, so I had temp jobs. That was the way I made money.

My family was fine, it's just a different way of going about life. Creativity was not something that was isolated and identified and valued.

When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person is spinning in their grave. But I don't understand why they say that. Why is spinning the way that a corpse shows disapproval?

You can make a very heavy and kind of dangerous 3-way shot glass out of a bowling ball.

Easy way to make someone sound less powerful, just put DJ in front of their name... ..DJ Abraham Lincoln

There's an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don't know it. I don't speak Russian. But sometimes I think about it and wonder if it's relevant to what I'm going through at the time. Probably not. I mean what do Russian know about hunger, anyway?

Whenever I throw caution to the wind I make sure I'm facing the right way so that it doesn't blow back and hit me in my face.

Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then let's break up.

The best way to make somebody feel important is to try to assassinate them.

One thing I learned is that it's never OK to walk through a cemetery dressed as a mummy - even if that was a shortcut on the way to the costume party.

Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.

My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.

A car alarm is a way for a car to tell everyone that its owner is an asshole.

I used to get bummed out when it rained; then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.