Bob Hope Golf Quotations

I like to play in the low 70's. If it gets any hotter than that I'll stay in the bar!

I just hope I don't have to explain all the times I've used His name in vain when I get up there.

I tell jokes to pay my green fees.

We have 51 golf courses in Palm Springs. He [President Ford] never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot.

If my golf game was a prize fight, they'd stop it.

The last time I played golf with President Ford he hit a birdie. And an eagle, a moose, an elk, an aardvark...

Bing Crosby and I play a lot of golf together and I have a small course at my place where we often play for side stakes. The only troulbe is that when I win, I always have to engage and attorney before I can draw the money.

We're on our way to the Persian Gulf. Wait! It's a mistake! I thought they said Persian Golf.

Foursomes have left the first tee there and have never been seen again. They just find their shoelaces and bags.

It's not hard to find Gerry Ford on a golf course - you just follow the wounded.

President Eisenhower has given up golf for painting. It takes fewer strokes.

Jimmy Stewart could have been a good golfer, but he speaks so slowly that by the time he yells 'Fore!' the guy he's hit is already in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.

On one hole, I hit an alligator so hard, he's now my golf bag.

I do try to work out a little. I go swimming twice a day. It beats buying golf balls.

Take nine strokes off your score. Skip the last hole.

That's life. The older you get, the tougher it is to score.

Golf's really fun in Japan because of the women caddies. ... I saw one guy start out playing alone with his caddie. By the 9th hole they were engaged and when they finished on 18 they had a foursome.

Cypress Point is such a beautiful place, but it's also very exclusive. They had a very successful membership drive last month. They drove out forty members.

Having so many gold courses so close together was ideal for me. With my slice I could enjoy three or four golf courses at the same time.

I can't give up Golf, I've got too many sweaters.

Pebble Beach is Alcatraz with grass.

If he slices the budget like he slices a golf ball, the nation has nothing to worry about.

My old friend Jack Benny has only had one ball all his golfing life. And now he's lost it. The string came off!

Titleist has offered me a big contract not to play its balls.

I've been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.

I once showed Pat Bradley my swing and said, 'What do I do next?' Pat replied, 'Wait till the pain dies down.'

Golf is a hard game to figure. One day you will go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and, for no reason at all, you really stink.

I'd give up golf if I didn't have so many sweaters.

Arnold Palmer is the biggest crowd pleaser since the invention of the portable sanitary facility.

Whenever I play with him , I usually try to make it a foursome - the President, myself, a paramedic and a faith healer.

It was a great honour to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. I didn't know they had a caddie division.

He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.

Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass.

Vice President Spiro Agnew can not cheat on his score : because all you have to do is look back down the fairway and count the wounded.

I've been playing golf a long time, although it's not really true that on my first round they strapped my bag on the back of a dinosaur.

US President Gerald Ford's golf was so bad we thought he was a 'Hitman for the PGA!

Golf is my profession Show business is just to pay the green fees.

Gerry Ford is easy to spot on the course. He drives the cart with the red cross painted on top.

Golf is my real profession. Entertainment is just a sideline. I tell jokes to pay my greens fees.

If you think golf is relaxing, you're not playing it right.

Golf is a funny game. It's done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I'm the healthiest idiot in the world.

Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?

If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him.

A photographer kept shooting me every time I swung. I was very flattered until I found out he was from Field and Stream.

I get upset over a bad shot just like anyone else. But it's silly to let the game get to you. When I miss a shot I just think what a beautiful day it is. And what pure fresh air I'm breathing. Then I take a deep breath. I have to do that. That's what gives me the strength to break the club.

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.

I never kick my ball in the rough or improve my lie in a sand trap. For that I have a caddie.

I'll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105.

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.